Les Misérables
by HollyGolightly626
Summary: Meredith and Derek fell in love. Then his wife showed up. Meredith moved on with the similarly situated Mark, but what happens as Mark begins to lose faith in himself and relationships? Will they stay together or will her love for the eager Derek rekindle
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I owe all of the brilliant characters and some plot sequences to Shonda Rhimes. But in the general manner of fan fiction, a lot of the plot is of my own mind.**

_I know this plot isn't very developed yet, but I have to start from actual storylines to get to where I want to be. Forgive what might seem like pointless plot backgroud. It'll get interesting. giggles maliciously_

Meredith gazed into Derek's blue eyes, seeing love in them, love that was reflected in hers as well. Their eyes never parted as he helped her put on her coat, like the gentlemen only read about in Jane Austen novels. Their hands interlocking, both looking like they wanted to keep it that way forever. Derek turned, facing the entrance. The love-stricken grin slapped off of his face, to be replaced anguish.

'Meredith, I'm so sorry.'

Meredith didn't know how to respond. Her grin stayed frozen in place, but her eyes widened in confusion. The conversation became blurry, her eyes never leaving the gorgeous redhead in front of her.

'Addison Shepard.'

'Shepard…?'

'_So, you must be the woman who's screwing my husband.'_

Meredith met Derek's eyes. There was no love in the meeting this time, only a crushing combination of fear, anger, and pain.

'…Derek…' Meredith muttered softly. She wasn't sure if it was a question or merely testing reality.

'Meredith, let me explain.'

Meredith let go of Derek's hand. She couldn't handle explanations; it was all too clear. Married…Derek was married. She had to get out of here. She walked backwards towards the door, not breaking eye contact. Derek's eyes begged her to stay but he didn't say another word to her. He knew her better. Calling after Meredith makes her run away faster. Meredith turned, her back facing the married couple and walked out. Derek didn't chase after her. She went to the place that always offered her comfort, however temporary: Joe's.

'Addison, how like you to waltz in and ruin everything. Or last time I guess it was me doing the waltzing in, but still you with the ruining.'

'Derek…You didn't return my calls. I tried to give you some warning, but you didn't accept it. But you're my husband. I'm not going to let some woman ruin that.'

'You cheated on me with my best friend. I left you and I met Meredith. And I love her.'

'You didn't chase after her.'

Derek didn't know how to respond. He didn't know why he didn't chase after Meredith. It just didn't occur to him. So he went for the only defense he knew: a terse offensive.

'Addison, go back to New York. I have a life here, one without you. I'm happy.'

'Derek, I love you. I'm not leaving without you. We're married.'

'There is no love here. There hasn't been since you cheated on me with Mark. It's gone now. I love Meredith.'

'Meredith? She's just an affair. We had love. Mark was a mistake. A terrible mistake. Let's try our marriage again. I love you; Mark didn't change that. He only made it clearer. Derek, you're the one for meI hate to be so blunt, but we've both had our little, meaningless affairs. Now let's call them off and try us again. I love you, Derek! And you love me!'

'I just don't know anymore. And Addison…Meredith, she isn't just an affair.'

Derek walked out of the hospital. He knew Meredith was downing tequila at Joe's. He didn't dare go over there yet. There was nothing he could say to change what happened or make it better. Nothing. And knowing that defeated him. He got into his car and drove off into the twilight, confused and devastated.


	2. What Have I Done?

**Disclaimer: Guess what! Grey's Anatomy is not mine. Oh, how I wish it were mine. What fun I would have.**

_Now I've got the basic stolen-from-Grey's plot background covered I think. It's not quite time to bring out the intensity as I am keeping with the song titles from Les Miserables. How about some character building._

Addison watched her husband leave Seattle Grace. She felt the stinging tears rolling down her perfectly painted cheeks. She rushed to the nearest bathroom and collapsed, the classless stall as her refuge. Addison couldn't help but cry. She had just flown halfway across the continent, leaving her ex-mistress-lover behind, seeking her husband. What she found in Seattle was much more devastating that she even considered. He was in love with somebody else, actually in love. Addison saw it in his eyes. It wasn't the love she thought she felt for Mark, the 'he was there for me and could be perfect for me' love combined with physical attraction. Even more tragic, she loved him too. The pain in Meredith Grey's eyes when Addison introduced herself, unveiling the shroud of lies, was unbearable.

'How is it possible that my husband's mistress makes me, the freaking wife, feel like the bad guy? She's the adulterous whore who captured my husband's love. Why do I feel so terrible for crushing her? She should be apologizing to me for ruining my marriage.' Addison's thoughts continued to roll. Her mind was rambling. 'Ruin? No, our marriage isn't over. Sure, I should have come back earlier. I always knew Mark wouldn't stay faithful for long. Derek has to pick me. _He has to. _I'm his wife… He'll never pick me. He's happy with her. He loves her. I'm all alone. I shouldn't have come here. What have I done…'

* * *

Derek couldn't concentrate on the road. How could he focus? His wife came to Seattle, the wife who cheated on him with his best friend. Whatever happened to decency? And how she found him now with his new love, a love he desired to keep forever. Those dreams are now brutally ruined. Derek finally reached his trailer. He pulled out a bottle of whiskey; there wasn't much need for a glass. He knew he would be drinking too much and he didn't want to waste his time getting drunk. That was something he and Meredith shared: temporary alcoholic escape. 

'Oh God, Meredith. She'll never forgive me. If only I had answered the phone. I could have prevented this. Maybe she would have understood…No. I'm still married. There's no euphemism for that. But I could have told her about the adulterous sex with my best friend and the separation. She has no idea. What I would give just to be able to see her now. To put my arm around her and comfort her as she cries.'

Derek sat down in the grass outside, looking up at the stars and taking long swigs of whiskey. He wondered who would be comforting her. Cristina? Not the comforting type. Izzie seems like a good comforter. He hoped it was Izzie and not another man. He knew George would love the opportunity. He saw the longing in George's eyes whenever he saw Meredith.

'What a perfect opportunity I've given him,' mumbled Derek bitterly. 'I have to divorce Addison and get my life back. Meredith is my life now. How dare she come to me, asking for forgiveness? How can she expect it? Now she knows how I feel. There can't be much hope in her mind. Oh, how can I get Meredith to forgive me? What have I done…'

* * *

Meredith sat, slouched over in a barstool, downing tequila. 

'Married. How could he be married? I love him. We belong together. No, now he belongs to his wife. Not me.'

Cristina and George walked into Joe's, taking seats on either side of Meredith.

'What happened to you? You look terrible?' Cristina tactlessly questioned.

'Meredith, you should probably lay off the tequila. You've been hitting it really hard. You'll regret it in the morning,' George comfortingly told her, softly stroking her arm.

'Derek…he has a wife. A beautiful wife. With the last name of Shepard,' Meredith wailed, collapsing in sobs on the dirty bar counter.

'Well fuck. Joe, more tequila.'

George put his arms around Meredith. Maybe he finally had a chance…

Meredith ignored Cristina and Georges' futile attempts at consolation. She was beyond the point in which any of it had any actual purpose. She became engrossed in her thoughts.

'I always fall for the wrong guy. Always. What's wrong with me? I have some superhuman sense at detecting future pain and lies. I always fall for the liars. Dirty, dirty liars. Couldn't he have warned me? Sure, I would have dumped him but it wouldn't hurt so bad. I wouldn't have gotten in this deep. It would have been better. Oh, what have I done…'


	3. At The End of The Day

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Grey's Anatomy. And I won't ever own Grey's Anatomy. How depressing. Thank you Shonda for effectively crushing my soul with your ownership.**

That night Meredith didn't bring a drunken fling home. Cristina and George made sure of it. The amount of tequila she consumed was for the records. The last thing she needed was a strange man in her bed. She would eventually have to realize that drinking did and sleeping around did nothing for her problems.

George carried Meredith up the stairs and placed her gently on her bed. After he pulled the covers over her, she began to stir.

'George,' she whispered.

'Yes Mer?'

'I don't want to be alone. Will you stay with me?'

'Of course.' George got in bed beside Meredith. He knew she didn't have any inappropriate intentions, and neither did he, at least not now while she was drunk and grieving.

'George, why does this keep happening to me? I've always had bad relationships. I mean, never this earth-shattering bad, but always bad. Yeah, I have mommy issues. And daddy issues. But this wasn't my fault. I was really trying and it was working so well. I mean, until Addison Shepard showed up. Shepard…' She succumbed to sobs, continuously muttering 'Shepard'.

George didn't respond. He just kept listening to his heartbroken friend.

'Why can't I ever fall for a good guy? Like you, George. You would never hurt me like this. You wouldn't just randomly pull out a wife. You're a good guy. I need a good guy.'

George listened excitedly. Maybe it was his chance. She just admitted to needed a good guy, which he was. Later, he'd tell her how he felt. He would make himself vulnerable and lay everything out. She already trusted him. He could be the one to pull her out of this. He could…

* * *

The next morning Meredith woke up next to George. A split second of fear overwhelmed her but she knew she hadn't slept with George. George wasn't the kind of guy she would just sleep with. He was more just her good friend. Then she remembered and sank back into bed, nursing her aching head.

'I can't go to work today. I can't. Not after what happened. It's humiliating. I can't work. I couldn't concentrate…'

'Meredith, you have to go to work. We'll help you out. Just avoid Derek and his…' George trailed off, trying not to invoke more pain, 'Just keep focused. Bailey will probably let you off easy today. I mean, she surely knows by now.'

'Everyone has to know by now. I'm humiliated. I'm a dirty mistress.'

'No you aren't. You didn't know; it isn't your fault. You just need to get out of bed and get ready to go.'

George dragged her out of bed and Meredith slowly started to get ready. George went to ready himself; knowing that this could be the day he finally admits his feelings to Meredith. It felt like a good day. He could sense it. Meredith eventually got ready and the three roommates drove, silently, to Seattle Grace.

* * *

'Cristina, we need to talk.' Burke called Cristina into an empty on-call room.

'I have to do rounds in like 15 minutes.'

'I know. But I have to say this.'

'Fine. Make it fast. I have to go.'

'Cristina, I don't think we're in a good place with this…relationship or whatever it might be. I like you, but we don't really work out. You don't seem to want to commit to me and it's not fair to myself. Plus, I'll have to work even harder now that Derek is here to compete for chief. And that wouldn't be fair to you. We're just not being fair to each other. Another time, this might work well and I wouldn't mind trying it again. Just now, something isn't right with us. And I don't have time for wrong. I just don't see where this is going right now. I'm sorry'

'…Ok…Whatever,' Cristina walked out of the room, leaving a slightly distraught Burke. He wasn't sure he wanted it over because he genuinely liked Cristina. They just weren't doing so well. And like he said, he didn't have time for wrong.

* * *

Cristina ran into the locker room slightly late. Bailey was already giving assignments. 'Yang…you're late. Karev, pit; O'Malley, Burke; Stevens, sutures; Grey, Shepard; and Yang, Montgomery Shepard, the new OB-GYN.'

'Seriously!' Meredith exclaimed.

'He requested you. I can't help it. I advise you to put aside your lover's quarrels until later. Sorry.' Bailey retorted, with some surprising compassion.

'Crap.'

'Don't worry Meredith. It'll be ok,' Izzie comforted.

'Trade with me, Izzie. I'll do sutures. You take Shepard.'

'Ok. But if we get into trouble, it's on your head.'

Meredith lightened up a little. At least she could effectively avoid Derek and Addison while doing sutures all day. Maybe it all wasn't so bad. She was a good avoider.

'Meredith!' Cristina hissed.

'What?'

'Burke dumped me. And I'm pregnant.'

'What? Pregnant are you sure? Does he know?'

'No, he doesn't know! He 'doesn't see where this is going' and is a little self-righteous workaholic,' Cristina mocked. 'What do I do?'

'Are you going to keep it?'

'I don't know. I don't think so. I can't have a baby. I'm a freaking surgical intern.'

'Ok, but you still have to tell him. It'll probably get around soon and you want to be the one to tell him. Even if you're aborting it. Tell him after work today. Today. Just get it over with.'

'Crap…I thought you were an avoider…'

* * *

Meredith spend the day successfully avoiding both Derek and Addison. Not even a glimpse of them. She was rather proud of herself. Maybe not proud, just relieved. But her good luck couldn't hold forever. She had finished her work for the day and changed in the locker room. She walked out into the hallway, ready to go to Joe's, when she saw him. And he saw her. It was a huge, unfortunate witnessing of each other.

'Meredith,' he said, full of longing. Meredith didn't respond. There wasn't anything she knew to say. She saw the love in his eyes and tried to forget it.

'We need to talk. I need to tell you everything that I should have told you before.'

'It's too late, Derek. There isn't anything left to say. Your wife showed up last night. There isn't anything you can do to make that better, to soften the blow. So don't bother.'

'Meredith, I have to explain. I think it might soften the blow. Or it could. Just give me a chance.'

'Seriously! What could you possibly tell me to make it better? That she isn't really your wife and that it's just some kind of joke?'

'…She's my real wife…'

'There's nothing you can say to make it better. Don't freaking bother.' Meredith began to walk away.

'Meredith, she slept with my best friend and now we're separated. I haven't talked to her in months and she came back. I didn't know either. I didn't want it to happen. Please listen to me!'

But she kept on walking.

* * *

Cristina had spent most of the day working up a speech in her head. She didn't usually freak out this much, but Meredith was right. She had to tell him before somebody else did. She finally found Burke.

'Burke…I need to tell you something.' He looked at her more intensely. Cristina took a deep breath and muttered as fast as she could. 'Pregnant. I'm pregnant.'

Burke's eyes widened. Silence overwhelmed the pair. Tears welled up in Cristina's eyes. Burke wrapped his arms around her as the tears began to fall heavily.

'I'm not keeping it. I just thought you should know.'

'Thank you, Cristina. Thank you for telling me. I'll always be here for you. And I guess we have other issues to work out as well. Just not here at work. Will you come over later?'

Cristina nodded and released from the embrace and walked silently away. Burke watched her walk away, his mind racing, imagining what could be their family.

* * *

Meredith sat, for the second night in a row, at Joe's with tequila as her one companion. George walked into the bar. He saw Meredith and took a deep breath. This was the moment. He sat beside her. But before he could say anything, Meredith began to sob.

'George, his wife cheated on him. They're separated. But he didn't tell me what this means. I don't know what it means. And I didn't want to ask him, though he probably would have loved to tell me.'

George listened to her cry. He understood now that he probably would never have a chance with Meredith. He had to play the supporting friend until his feelings went away. He could never beat Derek. Even with all the pain he inflicted upon her, he could never top him in Meredith's affections.

Both friends sat, holding each other, feeling as if they had lost one they loved forever.

* * *

'Derek!' Addison said brightly.

'Addison, I told her. I told Meredith about what happened and how we're separated and why. She just walked away. She didn't even say anything. I thought it would make it better for her.'

'Ok, I can see where this is going. I hoped it wouldn't be this way, because Derek, I love you. And I think underneath all of this Meredith stuff, you love me too. And we should be together. I'm going to stay here if there's any chance you'll take me back. But now it looks as if that will never happen and I always come prepared. I had my lawyer draw up divorce papers. You can sign them or you can not sign them. Just remember, I love you, and I'm not so sure how she feels about you right now.'

She handed Derek the papers. Her presence barely registered with him then. He was focused on Meredith and how she probably hated him now. Derek Shepard had a long night of thinking in front of him…


	4. I Dreamed A Dream

**Disclaimer: Maybe I'll consider suing Shonda for rights to Grey's Anatomy. Until that lawsuit succeeds (hahhh), I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of its Dreamy, Steamy, or other characters. **

Cristina met Burke at his apartment. She stared at the door, ominously, before meekly knocking. Cristina had never been one for anything sentimental, and she sensed that the conversation ahead of her was going to be extremely of the sort. Burke answered the door, without Cristina's nerves but a relaxing sense of tenderness. He welcomed her and placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her his couch where they could sit and talk. Cristina sat silently, staring down at her folded hands in her lap, looking almost guilty.

'Cristina,' Burke caressed, breaking the overwhelming quiet, 'I know you don't like to share your feelings, but we have to talk now.'

'I know,' Cristina muttered back, keeping the same timidity. 'I…I…'

'A pregnancy isn't something to be embarrassed about. I know it's not what you imagined for yourself right now, but don't feel ashamed, especially not to me. It's not a flaw, it's a beautiful thing.' Silence fell. Cristina was surprised to respond. He had known how she was feeling. Maybe he did really know her.

'Have you decided for sure not to keep it?'

'I never saw children for me. I'm not the motherly type. I never had even really considered it before. I didn't think it would happen to me.' Cristina leaned over and put her head on Burke's chest. He put his arm around her comfortingly. They both took a minute to really accept what Cristina had said before Burke continued.

'I've always wanted children. I think I would be a good father. I just never found the right person to have them with. And I never found the right time. My year of internship was way too busy to even think about children, barely even relationships. I spent my residency perfecting my skills and beginning to make a name for myself. Now I'm an attending. I'm a world class surgeon. I've made my name in medicine, but I'm still busy. I'll always be busy. I will never find the perfect time. But Cristina, I want children. And I think that now is as good as any a time for me. My job won't slow unless I quit or find a less time-consuming hospital or specialty. And I do not intend on doing either of those. Now is as good of a time as ever.'

Cristina lay silently on Burke, pondering the consequences of his words and what he was implying. 'Burke, I can't keep this baby. I'm an intern. I'm at the bottom of the surgical chain. I can't do this and raise a family at the same time. You know that. You've been through this. Besides, we haven't known each other for that long. And we especially haven't been…dating… for that long either. And last time I checked, you didn't have time for me. How could you have time for a baby too?'

'It was a mistake. I want to have time for you. I have time for you. I was making excuses. I realized that this was the time in which I need to begin settling down. I want children. I want a wife. I want to make a family. Get a dog. Throw Frisbees to the dog while my wife holds my baby sitting on my porch, laughing, as I grill burgers or something. Family things. I want those things. If you can't even think of doing that, then I can't be with you and I want to be with you. I think you can offer them to me. Maybe not right now. Maybe not in a year. But eventually, you can. Seeing you tonight has made me believe. I didn't ever expect you to tell me that you were pregnant. It was very mature of you. It proved to me that you aren't just looking out for yourself. You care about me too. You care about what we could have, and I believe that we could have something good here. It might take a while, and it might be different than I dreamed, but it's there. And it might even exceed my expectations. I don't want you to think that I'm begging you to keep the baby, because I'm not. Overall it's your decision. I'm not the one carrying it. And I know that now is not the right time – or even a good time – for you to be with child. I just want you to consider having children with me someday. I want you to see if it's a possibility.'

Cristina sat silently in Burke's arms. It then hit her how happy she was here, just sitting and talking. She had never enjoyed sharing her feelings before. Before it had seemed like an unnecessary trouble. Now it was a relief telling him things she had trouble telling Meredith.

'I think you could make me happy,' Cristina said quietly.

'Is that a yes? That it is possible?'

Cristina didn't respond; she just leaned up and kissed Burke sweetly, innocently. That was all the answer he needed.

* * *

Derek walked into Joe's. He needed a good drink before he started thinking and weighing his options. He saw Meredith sitting by herself on a barstool. He went to go sit next to her; he knew he was probably being an ass but he needed to be with Meredith.

'Meredith,' Derek whispered into her ear, suggestively despite his intentions.

'Derek.' She responded coldly.

'Will you please listen to me?'

'Fine, Derek. Fine! I will listen. It won't change anything. It won't make me take you into my arms and sob and confess my undying love…or whatever. We're over now. Nothing you say to me will change that.'

'If that is the best I can do right now, then I'll accept it. I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you. You mean too much to me.'

Meredith didn't respond. She was trying to hold back her emotions and resist the temptation to do exactly what she promised she wouldn't.

'Addison and I met in med school in New York. Mark and I had been close since high school. The three of us became really close. We were essentially a threesome. We rarely split up unless we had to. Mark had always been…sexually…free. He and Addison had flirted and maybe even fooled around a little bit before we started dating. It was never anything serious or friendship threatening. Anyway, I finally realized that I had feelings for Addison and we started dating in our last year of med school. We grew to love each other. We got married during our second year of residency. It was like a dream for a while. We were happy. We were going to have children. I've always wanted children, you know. It was always in my family to like children. We Shepards have lots and lots of children. We tried for a while, but nothing ever happened. Turns out, Addison and I couldn't have children together. We found that out after nine years of marriage. We waited to start a family after we were more secure in our jobs. I was crushed. I thought that Addison and I would be together forever. I thought my dream was over. In my grief, I subconsciously started to pay less and less attention to her. I didn't mean for it to happen. See, we had been having some troubles for about a year then. Never anything too serious. Just fights here and there. It wasn't until we knew we couldn't have children that I realized I didn't love her like I did before. I still loved her, I just wasn't in love. I started to push her away, not even meaning to. But she never said anything so I didn't really ever understand what I was unwittingly doing. I guess as time went by she got more and more desperate. I'm ashamed to say I pushed her to Mark, I suppose. Not a proud thought for me at all. And finally after eleven years of marriage, I came home one night after a long day at work. I saw Mark's jacket hanging in the foyer. I walked up to the bedroom and found them…together. They both freaked out. I walked away and Addison ran pleading after me. I couldn't bear to listen to her. She cheated on me with my best friend. I hadn't just lost a wife, but also my closest friend. I never wanted to see them again. A terrible feeling. I left New York that night. I came here. I never went back. I never looked back. It was too painful. And I came here and found a breath of fresh air – you.'

Meredith listened to his story, to his pain.

'Meredith, I still love you. Will you ever be able to forgive me?'

'Derek…you hurt me more than you can possibly understand. I've never had good relationships. And then I found you and I was learning to be happy. I was learning how to have a good, healthy relationship. And then your wife shows up. My world freaking collapsed…'

'Meredith, I'm so sorry…'

'Derek, please. It's not easy for me to tell you this. Don't make it worse. I don't know that I can ever learn to trust you. I'll keep looking out for other wives. I have abandonment issues. My dad left us after my mom had an affair. I have personally experienced abandonment and affairs. My mom loved him. And my dad found out and left us. I haven't talked to him in years. The man my mom loved didn't leave his wife for her. Do you understand Derek? Because, in my mind, I can't ever just think about you and me. I can't help it. So I can't tell you if I'll be able to forgive you ever. Maybe time will heal the wounds, or maybe it won't. And now you come in here and try to make me feel sorry for you by telling me a little tragic, emotional story!'

'Meredith! I never…'

But Meredith had a sudden strength. She momentarily stopped wallowing in her pain and stood up for herself. 'Derek, stop. You did. You want me to feel sorry for you and forgive you just like that. But you're forgetting that you made me love you while you were freaking married. Freaking married! You're forgetting that your wife showed up while we were being all coupley and cuddley. Your wife saw! And that makes me a home-wrecker. And I hate the fact that I'm a home-wrecker. Because I know exactly what it means to have my home wrecked. You've made me a love-stricken adulterous whore. So, no Derek. I'm not going to fall to my freaking knees and kiss your feet and confess my love. Because Derek, I'm through. I don't care if you leave your wife or not. I'm freaking through.'

Meredith got off of the barstool, proud of her sudden self-righteousness. She didn't stand up for herself like that. She paid her bill and walked briskly out of the bar. Derek called her name, begging for her to come back. But she wasn't going to listen. Not now. Maybe it was time she began to think about what was best for her, not what she wanted. And right now, Derek sure as hell wasn't what was best for her.


	5. Lovely Ladies

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. I've past the denial stage, into sadness. **

'I broke up with Derek,' Meredith mumbled, beginning their routine 'my-life-sucks' person-to-person talks.

'Burke and I are a couple,' Cristina admitted.

'Are you still aborting it?'

'Burke wants children. He's one of those intense father types. He wants the whole white picket fence and the happy family crap. But no, I'm not keeping it. We're supposed to be seriously trying. Because he wants to settle down.'

'Cristina, that's great. Burke's amazing for you.'

'Whatever…don't make a big deal about it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's talk about you and Derek.'

'There isn't that much to say. He walked into Joe's to make me pity him for his tragic little wife cheating. I yelled at him. And I walked out. He called my name like a sad little puppy. But it's over.'

'But aren't you still all sad little puppy over him? Isn't he still your McDreamy?'

'I'm working on that.'

'Good luck.' Cristina laughed sarcastically and walked out of the locker room for rounds.

Meredith stood against a nurse's station, attempting to read the chart of a patient. Her mind was too full of Derek and his beautiful wife to concentrate. She got a sudden, paranoid feeling of someone reading over her shoulder and turned around to find an exceptionally attractive man standing exceptionally close to her.

'Ah, Pulmonary aspergillosis. That's not usually surgical is it?'

'No, but it's in rare form. We had to do a lung biopsy and I'm just waiting for the results.'

'You look bored. I can't stand to see a beautiful girl go unentertained.' Meredith giggled at his forwardness.

'Are you hitting on me?' Meredith asked, amused. It felt good to be attracted to someone besides Derek, and especially to be mildly flirting.

'Would that be wrong? I'm Mark.' Mark held out his hand. Meredith took it.

'Meredith.'

Unfortunately, the moment was ruined as Derek, out of nowhere, punched Mark in the cheek.

'Oh…you're that Mark…Yeah…I guess that makes it wrong…'

'Seriously, Derek! You can't just punch people like that!' Meredith almost screamed.

'But…he's Mark!'

'I'm very aware of that now.' Meredith examined Mark's cheek, beginning to sweel rapidly and bleeding. 'The wound looks pretty deep, Mark. You need stitches.' She helped Mark to his feet and accompanied him to the nearest exam room, before shooting a glare at Derek.

Once in the exam room, Meredith began to clean Mark's wound.

'You must be Derek's slutty intern.'

'I was Derek's slutty intern. Now, I'm nothing of Derek's. That ship has sailed. Those days are over.'

'It doesn't look like he wants it over. He attacked me for just talking to you.'

'I don't think that was about me. That was for you having slutty sex with his wife.'

'Meredith, I don't think so. When he caught me, literally in the action of sleeping with his wife, he barely yelled. I talk to you and he punches me. And I can't blame him. You look like the kind of girl a man would want to keep around.'

'Whatever Mark. Stop talking so I can sew your freaking face up.'

'I'm sure you have very _capable_ hands Meredith, but I'm an attractive plastic surgeon. I can't have anything happen to my face and I have a lot more experience than you. I can handle my own sutures.' Mark winked at her.

'Fine.' Meredith walked out of the exam room. Mark watched her walk out. He could definitely see why Derek wanted to hold on her.

'Meredith, why is he suturing his own face?' George asked.

'To turn me on.' Cristina blatanltly admitted.

'Cristina, Burke!' Meredith reminded.

'Right…'

'McSexy is a plastic surgeon. He says he can do it better and didn't want anything to happen to his perfect face.'

'McSexy…no…' Cristina began thinking.

'McYummy?' Izzie suggested.

'McSteamy.' Meredith said, resolving the issue.

'There it is.'

'Why did Derek punch him?' Izzie asked.

'Because he's Mark. The Mark who slept with his wife.'

'Oh, this is too good. McDreamy / McSteamy battles.' Cristina began mentally plotting. 'Meredith, you should sleep with McSteamy. It looks like you could. Besides, you and Derek aren't interesting enough anymore, now that you're 'through'.'

'Oh, the McVomit!' George wailed, before walking briskly away.

'Shut up Cristina.' Meredith tersely responded before walking away herself.

Later that afternoon, after Mark had been released, he sought Addison. She wasn't entirely what he had come for, but she was part of it. He wanted to see if he had another chance with her or if she was set on getting Derek back. In the back of his mind, he already knew the answer but he decided to give it a shot anyway. He also wanted to regain Derek's friendship. He missed his best friend – or ex-best friend – and wanted to see if he could ever forgive him. It wasn't like Derek had wanted Addison so badly back when …it… had happened. Maybe he would learn to forgive. He found Addison in her office, with an obviously melancholy expression on her face.

'Mark, what the hell are you doing here?'

'Really, I'm not entirely sure. But I just had this feeling. I lost my two best friends and I came here to try to find them.'

'Mark, you had your chance with me. You blew it. You cheated. And Derek might not sign the papers. He hasn't decided yet. He's considering me. I have a chance here.'

'Addison, I'm really sorry about what happened. I panicked. You know I love you. I don't ever feel that way. It scared me.'

'It doesn't matter anymore. You will never commit to me. And I thought I loved you, but it was a delusion. You were there for me. I mistaked it for love. But it was a huge mistake. You ruined my marriage, and I have a chance to rebuild it here. And even if my husband doesn't choose me, I'm not going to come running back to you. There's too much pain there.'

'Are you sure Addi? I mean, absolutely sure.'

Tears ran down her face as Addison nodded. Mark left her office without saying goodbye. He had no further intentions of pursuing Addison. He didn't want someone who didn't love him. He and Addison were very, very over. He knew that before he came to Seattle. He didn't really even love her as much anymore. But part of him said they belonged together, and he wasn't going to risk it. And now he was done, walking away from his relationship with Addison literally and figuratively.

Mark was planning on going back to his hotel room. He still needed to talk to Derek, but today didn't seem like the right time. But fate though otherwise. He met Derek in the elevator, on his way out.

'Hey Derek…'

'Mark, how dare you come here after what you did.'

'Derek, listen to me, please. I need to explain things.'

'Mark, there is nothing to explain. I get it all perfectly fine.'

'Oh really?' Mark stopped the elevator.

'Yeah. You've always been an uncontrollable manwhore. And finally you decide to take it to the next level: adulterous manwhore. I know you and Addison had flirted before but it never meant anything. You never loved her. You just wanted her and you let your lust run your mind. You bastard.'

Mark looked about to punch Derek. They had never fought like this before. All the jealousy, pain, and unsaid anger pent up for 20 years was beginning to come out.'That's not true! You were my best friend for over 20 years. You know better. And for the record, I did love Addison. I always had a crush on her. It hurt me when you became so neglectful. I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to be what I had always dreamed of being: just hers.' Mark leaned up against the wall of the elevator, feeling hurt but oddly relieved.

'So…you did love her?'

'I did. But it's over. I promise to you that I will never, ever go near Addison again. I'm…really sorry Derek.' Mark started the elevator up again. The two surgeons remained silent for the remainder of the trip down. Derek walked off first and looked back at Mark, like he wanted to say something, but thought against it and kept walking.

Derek saw Meredith as he walked out of the elevator. He stood behind her breathing her in. Mark saw and stood unnoticably watching. He watched, somehow slightly jealously, as Derek put his head on Meredith's shoulder and softly rubbed his face against hers. He watched as Meredith savored the gesture, momentarily, before pulling away. He watched at Derek called her name lovingly. He watched as Meredith yelled 'Go home to your freaking wife.' He smiled as Meredith walked out of the hospital. He could barely help himself as he followed her to the bar across the street.

_This is my first fic and I was really wondering how I was doing. If you guys wouldn't mind reviewing, that would be amazing! Thanks!_


	6. How Have You Come To Grief?

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. This is merely a reflection, a copy of someone else's work. It is naught but a dream inspired by an obsession.**

**(The title is some of the lyrics to 'Fantine's Arrest' in case you were wondering. I didn't see how I could build a chapter around that being my title.)**

Derek walked into Addison's office. He saw the tears and smeared make-up on her face. Her pain didn't stop his bitterness and frustration from showing through.

'Why is he here?' Derek seethed.

'I don't know, Derek! I didn't call him here. I don't want him here. Stop looking at me like I'm enjoying his presence! I'm not.'

'You didn't just have a one time affair with Mark, did you? He told me he loved you. Did you love him back? He wouldn't come here for you after just a one-night-stand.'

'Derek…I…I…'

'What Addison?'

'Yes, Derek. I loved him. Or I thought I loved him. We lived together until I realized that I could never love him like I love you'

'So, you only came back to me because you and Mark couldn't work it out?'

'Derek, I know it seems like it, but it wasn't. I stayed with Mark because I was afraid of you. I was afraid you would leave me again.'

'I didn't leave you until you slept with my freaking best friend.'

'You did leave me. Not physically, but emotionally. You never talked to me like you used to. You didn't made me feel like I was worth anything to you. You poured yourself into work because we couldn't have children. We could have worked it out. We could have adopted. I know it wasn't your dream, but usually things don't work out as we plan.'

'You can say that again.'

Derek started to walk out the door. He didn't really know why he came to see Addison anyway. He left feeling more devastated than before.

* * *

Mark walked into Joe's a couple of minutes after Meredith entered, as to not arise her suspicion. He liked the atmosphere; quaint, yet exciting. He saw her at the bar, practically breathing tequila. Though he would never actually admit it, a slight grin crossed his face as he saw her. Mark sat beside her. 

'You and Derek, so not over,' Mark whispered into her ear. Meredith turned quickly around agitatedly. Her frustration quickly paled to sadness.

'You saw…'

'I couldn't help it.'

'I try so hard to fight him off. He just won't leave me alone!'

'I know, Mer, I know,' he consoled. Meredith felt slight butterflies in her stomach. Only Derek called her Mer. It brought back very pleasant…and very painful…memories. Mark ordered a scotch and started to drink with Meredith.

'How's your cheek?'

'It's fine, still a little swollen. It should heal up nicely. What exactly happened between you two? I know you had some kind of relationship or whatever, but, I mean, first he punches me out for talking to you. Then I see him caressing you in the hallway.'

'He wasn't…Crap. Fine, I heard about your adulterous Addison sex. It's only fair that you know about mine. We dirty mistresses have a connection,' Meredith giggled. She was getting rather tipsy and began saying things she oughtn't. Mark didn't seem to mind. He was finding himself captivated by the beautiful woman in front of him. She was so open, and not just because she was drinking. 'It started as a one-night-stand. I didn't know he was my boss. He was just a guy in bar. A good-looking guy in a bar. And then of course… I was running late. I kicked him out.'

'You're quite the charmer aren't you?' Mark laughed.

'Shut up, I'm sharing. And then I was supposed to go find the attending neurosurgeon to help with my patient. It was Derek. I tried to keep it professional…but…Well, you saw him before. It was freaking constant. And there was something between us. It was weird how big that something was. I fell in love with him. I don't know how he felt about me. He never actually told me he loved me. And then Addison showed up during one of our cuddly moments. Really great. And, well, you know the rest.'

Meredith had tears glistening in her eyes. Mark put his arm around her. Their eyes met and didn't dare wander. A tear trickled down her cheek and Mark wiped it away, tenderly, with his hand.

'Mer, I know it hurts now. But Derek loves you. I've known his for years, I can tell. He especially wouldn't try anything at the hospital, where Addison works as well, if he wasn't going to pick you. It just isn't in Derek's nature. I wouldn't worry. He loves you.' Mark hated saying these words.

'It's still wrong. So wrong. He's married. He shouldn't be saying or doing things to me.'

'He shouldn't, but he is. And he won't stop. He loves you; he'll be relentless.' Mark's grip tightened around Meredith's small figure as he said these words.

'I don't even know if I want to love him anymore.'

'Because he's hurt you so much?'

'Yeah. Maybe it's just time to let go and move on. I love Derek, but he's not good for me. He can't be good for me. He's married.' Silence fell. ' It's your turn to make yourself feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. I'm tired of it.' Mark laughed slightly.

'You showed me yours, it's only fair that I return the favor.'

Meredith giggled. She was definitely drunk by now. 'I didn't know we were playing _that_ game…' She trailed off as she began stroking his arm and gazing seductively.

'Mer, we aren't playing that game right now. I thought I was going to make myself vulnerable…verbally.' Meredith pouted slightly and returned to her former position, her head resting on his shoulder.

'I loved Addison since I met her in med school. I never did anything, because I was afraid of my feelings. I'd never been in love before. I was, to put it bluntly, a manwhore. I slept with a lot of women. One-night stands.'

'I would know some things about those…' Meredith muttered, causing Mark to grin.

'Then Addison and Derek started dating. I was crushed, but still in denial. Then they got married. I tried to get rid of my feelings, but nothing worked. Then Derek started being neglectful towards her. It hurt me to see that. I was there for her when she needed me; it was the least I could do. And then one night, her sadness peaked. She needed me. I wasn't proud. And Derek walked in and saw. I realized that I had made everything worse. She stayed with me for a while after he left. She wasn't happy. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. She didn't want me; she wanted Derek. I had to let her go. Ever since then, I've been learning to get rid of my feelings. I got back into my old habits. But a part of me was missing. I wanted my old best friends back. I figured that they wouldn't want me, but I had to try. I talked to Addison. I gave her one more shot at us. I didn't really want it. And she didn't. She still wants Derek.' Meredith stiffened next to Mark. 'Sorry, Mer. I think I've lost her forever. I might have a chance starting over with Derek. I talked to him in an elevator. I have a chance. I promised not to do anything with Addison. He needed to know I have no more intentions.'

'I think that's very good of you. I wish Derek would accept that I have no more intentions.'

'Do you actually not have anymore intentions or do you just not want to?' Mark asked.

'Eh…I don't want to. I'm afraid too. Too many lies. Too many doubts. Too many failed hopes. It's just better if we don't go there.'

'Then don't. You deserve better, Mer. Someone who won't ever hurt you.'

'Even if Derek does leave his wife and I accept him back, how am I supposed to know he won't just get tired of me and neglect me like he did to Addison?'

'You never know. Love is all about taking chances. Sometimes they work out, and sometimes they don't.'

'I think we both get crappy results from taking chances. I slept with my boss. I loved my boss. He was married. You slept with Addison. Addison was married. She didn't pick you. I'm telling you, crappy.'

'It has been crappy. But that doesn't mean it will stay that way.'

'I've never been much of an optimist,' Meredith mentioned, miserably.

'Maybe it's time for a change.' Meredith removed her head from Mark's broad shoulder, to the dismay of both. She grinned at him.

'Maybe you're right.'  
Meredith leaned up and kissed Mark. Mark was surprised at first, but quickly came to welcome it. Mark didn't know what it was about her that made him happy. He didn't know why he didn't ever want their kiss to be over. But his conscience got the better of him. He pulled reluctantly away from Meredith.

'Mer, I don't think this is a good idea.'

'I think it's a very good idea. You're a good kisser. And now I want to know what else you're good at…'

'Meredith, you are drunk.'

'Just a little…'

'I don't want to do anything you might later regret.'

'I've heard a little about you. I don't think it would be regrettable at all.'

'Meredith, you love my ex-best friend. I think sleeping with me might ruin your chances forever.'

'Maybe I want them to be ruined.'

'I'm not going to take that chance now. Not while you're drunk.'

'Can we at least kiss a little more?'

'No, Mer. We can't do any of that right now.'

'Too bad.'

'Can I drive you home? You're in no state to drive yourself.'

'Will you stay?'

'I can't stay. That would be wrong.'

'I don't mean do anything wrong. Just stay and keep me company? Please, Mark. I need someone right now.'

'Ok, Mer. I guess I can stay.'

Mark drove Meredith home. The silence was ringing with words unsaid. When they pulled in her driveway, Mark asked her again if she was sure she wanted him to stay. She didn't want to make things worse. Her life was in shambles as it was. She confirmed that she did and he followed her to her room. Meredith changed into her pajamas. Mark averted his eyes. She climbed into bed and beckoned him to follow. Mark felt uncomfortable. He had never just slept in a woman's bed before. He was way out of his expertise. Meredith cuddled her small body against his muscular frame.

'Goodnight Mark,' she said, softly and sweetly.

'Goodnight Mer.' Mark kissed her forehead. Meredith fell asleep quickly. Mark couldn't sleep so easily. He was utterly perplexed. He wondered how Meredith would react finding him in her bed in the morning. He wondered how Derek would respond if he knew. He wondered how Meredith would respond to Derek. A multitude of tragic possibilities flew through his mind. After a while he accepted that whatever would come about would come despite how long or hard he thought about it or what he wished for. He finally slept, oddly at peace and content lying next to the sleeping Meredith. They slept through the night, never moving from their original positions. When Meredith awoke the next morning, her face was still cradled into Mark's chest, the crown of her head at his chin. His arm was placed protectively, almost lovingly, around her stomach. She raised her head slightly and met Mark's gaze. Both were rendered entirely speechless.

_If you guys would review, it would mean the world to me. 3_


	7. Runaway Cart

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, things would be a lot differently. And it would totally not be only reruns right now. I freaking miss it. **

_(And no, I couldn't really tie in this title with much in the chapter. I thought somebody being hit with a runaway cart was way too obvious...and rather silly.)_

* * *

_When Meredith awoke the next morning, her face was still cradled into Mark's chest, the crown of her head at his chin. His arm was placed protectively, almost lovingly, around her stomach. She raised her head slightly and met Mark's gaze. Both were rendered entirely speechless._

'Good morning, Mer'

'Mark…' Meredith replied, nervously.

'What?' he asked, fearing the worst.

'Oh, it's nothing.' Meredith snuggled back into Mark's chest.

'Meredith…'

'Fine.' Meredith averted her eyes. Her cheeks flushed. 'I'm just not really used to not waking up next to Derek yet. I wake up every morning and forget he's not here.' She spoke rapidly, not wanting him to hear her. But Mark wasn't flustered. He wrapped his arms more tightly around her slim waist.

'It's ok. Grieving takes time.' They remained cuddled together for a moment before Meredith remembered her obligations to her job.

'I have to get ready for work.'

'You really aren't one for cuddly moments are you?'

'This isn't a cuddly moment. It's a comforty moment. And now I need to take a shower.'

'Can I join you?' Mark smirked. Meredith hit him playfully.

'You need to get out of here. Especially before Izzie and George see you. Did you know I lived with them?'

'As in the Izzie and George from the hospital?'

'Yeah…'

'Ah…I understand the dilemma.'

'They know me well enough to know that I tend to get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men. And you would top my list. Even though we didn't sleep together. But they would think we did. And that would be…'

'Mer, you're rambling,' Mark interrupted. 'I understand. Besides, I'm rather sneaky.'

Meredith giggled. 'I'm sure you are. Now get out…please…'

'Fine, Mer.' He kissed her forehead and got out of bed. Meredith eyed his shirtless body, very amusedly. He clothed himself, to Meredith's slight dismay. He whispered his goodbyes and feigned a rather James Bond-esque pose and he ostentatiously 'snuck' out of the room, causing Meredith to grin wildly. She reluctantly rolled out of bed and got into the shower, replaying everything that had happened between her and Mark in her mind.

* * *

Izzie and George were arguing superficially in the kitchen. They heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Assuming it was Meredith, neither stopped their sibling-like bickering. That was, until they heard the door open and shut. Izzie and George looked at each other, recognizing the all too familiar situation. They ran to the door to catch a glimpse of him. They expected Derek. It was obvious that his marriage had done nothing to the desire between him and their roommate. The face they saw shocked them beyond belief. 

'Oh my God…It's Sloane…' Izzie uttered, barely audibly. George just stared blankly.

* * *

'Dr. Sloane, I welcome you to Seattle Grace.' Chief Webber shook Mark's hand and took the recently signed papers, a contract of employment. Mark walked towards the door, but Chief Webber stopped him. 'Dr. Sloane? Do you mind telling me why you've decided to stay at Seattle Grace. I know it can't be for professional reasons. I don't want any trouble here. As good as you will be for our plastics department, I can't have your personal life distracting my staff.' 

'Chief Webber, I have no intentions of causing problems here. I came here to reclaim my two best friends. But I don't let my personal life interfere with my work. Besides, I needed a change. I'm beginning to feel welcome here.'

'I hope you're right.'

Mark walked out of the chief's office as the newest attending at Seattle Grace Hospital.

* * *

Cristina stood outside the chief's office door, trying to force herself to go in. She finally knocked and was invited in. 

'Uhm…Chief Webber?'

'Yes, Dr. Yang?'

'I need to take a leave of absence.'

'For what, may I ask?'

'I'm having…uh…a minor procedure,' Cristina stated nervously.

The chief was mildly aware of her relationship with Burke. 'Oh…OH!' Chief said with sudden realization. 'Uh…how long will you need?'

'I hope not longer than a couple of days. It's a very…minor…procedure. I should be ready to come back very soon. I'm hardcore.'

'I'm sure you are, Dr. Yang. Just take all the time you need…'

'Thank you, Chief Webber.' Cristina half-ran out of the office. She had always seen her pregnancy as a weakness, especially now that she had to take time off of her job to end it. Normally, she would have taken out her emotion in surgery, but she had to take a freaking leave. She walked, dejectedly, to her car, heading towards her appointment.

* * *

Izzie, George, Alex, and Meredith sat awkwardly in the locker room. George looked gloomy, while Izzie glared, frustrated at Meredith's tactlessness…and slightly jealous. 

Alex began putting the facts together. 'Hmm…Bambi looks suicidal and Izzie looks jealous. Meredith, who have you done now?'

Izzie snorted and looked away. George looked even more crestfallen. Meredith blushed.

'I think I've found something here,' Alex plotted.

'I didn't have sex with anyone!' Meredith defended. Izzie snorted. '…Crap… I really didn't!'

'Dude, I was totally just being sarcastic. Who'd you do? I will find out eventually. I have my evil methods…' Alex laughed viciously.

Meredith was saved by Dr. Bailey's arrival. 'I hate to interrupt your personal lives but we have a hospital to run around here. Karev, you're with Burke. Stevens, O'Malley- Shepard. And Grey, you're with Dr. Sloane, the new plastics attending.

'Seriously?' Meredith blurted.

'Yes, seriously. Now, stop wallowing in your personal pain and get busy, people.'

Meredith walked vulnerably up to Mark. 'I'm your intern for the day,' she explained awkwardly.

'Meredith, we both know nothing actually happened last night. You don't have to feel guilty. Nothing happened.'

'I know. But Izzie and George saw you. You were supposed to be sneaky!'

'I tried. I'm sorry.'

'I just feel awkward. With them thinking I did…yeah. And now they're interning with Derek today. I don't want him to find out wrong information.'

'Mer, I don't think Izzie or George would tell Derek. They're still your friends. It's ok.' Mark placed his hand on Meredith's crossed arms. 'But you will eventually have to clear that up.'

Derek had sent his two interns to prep his patient for surgery. He went to get a cup of coffee before he started. As he walked over, he heard Meredith's voice and smiled, despite his most desperate attempts. But when he heard the next voice, he stopped, frozen.

'It will be all right. Don't worry.'

'Enough about that. Don't we have patients to attend to?' Meredith quickly changed the subject.

'As of now, I think all my patients are just fine. But I do know someone you could attend too…' Mark caressed in his finest McSteamy ways.

'Oh really?' Meredith was grinning, despite her most desperate attempts.

'I know I'm new here, but I know my way around well enough to be able to find a place where we can…be alone.'

Derek felt sick. Mark…ex-best friend Mark was hitting on his girlfriend. He was reminded most painfully of the night he had found him with Addison and walked quickly away, without bothering to listen to Meredith's response.

'Mark, I may be an intern, but I don't work under you in that sense.'

'You say that now…'

'Mark!' Meredith exclaimed, excited and horrified. 'You have to make everything so dirty.'

'Fine, we'll go attend to real patients.'

* * *

Later that afternoon, Derek was leaving for the day, still unable to get Mark and Meredith off of his mind. He waited for the elevator. The doors opened to reveal a grinning Mark. Derek looked at him, disgusted, and walked in. 

'Hey, Derek.' But Derek didn't return the formalities. He stopped the elevator and pinned a shocked Mark to the wall.

'Don't touch her.'

'I promised I wouldn't yesterday. I haven't been near Addison all day today.'

'I'm not talking about Addison. It's Meredith.'

'Ohhh.' Mark grinned wickedly. 'Why haven't you divorced Addison yet if you're so madly in love with Meredith?' Derek released his hold of Mark, surprised as his attack.

'I don't speak of my affairs with enemies. Don't touch Meredith.'

'Why not?'

'I love her. And the thought of anyone touches her sickens me. Especially you. You can't someone else I love away from me too.' Mark was speechless. He'd never seen Derek make himself so vulnerable. Derek started the elevator back. The doors opened and Mark began walking out, but he stopped briefly.

'I'm not your enemy. Just your competition.'

* * *

Mark went over to Joe's, hoping to find Meredith. Luckily, she was in her normal position, drinking at the bar. He sat down next to her. He foresaw this becoming an odd sort of ritual. 

'Drinking again, I see?'

'My days haven't been so bright and shiny recently.'

'I know. Drinking won't solve your problems, only detain them. Come on, let me get you something to eat. You don't need alcohol. And if you must have a diversion, let's make it something less depressing and more fun to wake up to.'

'That wouldn't very appropriate. I can't go on a date with you.'

'I don't mean a date. I want a non-date, non-drunk dinner. Since I'm staying for a while, I should at least get to know you better. I mean, besides your Derek problems. More about Meredith.'

'No tequila?'

'No tequila. Come on, Mer. How can you refuse dinner with a rather handsome man, dying to know everything about you?' Mark told himself he was only flirting, but knew there was a twinkle of seriousness in his eye.

'Fine.' Mark offered Meredith his arm, which she readily accepted. 'Take me for a ride, Mark.'

Three hours later, Mark was driving Meredith home. For the first time in a while, Meredith came home sober. They had spent an enjoyable evening together. She had glossed over her life story, obviously avoiding many painful things. Mark spoke similarly, especially choosing to omit most stories involving either Addison or Derek. They shared their basic likes and dislikes, finding some commonalities. Mark and Meredith spend the entire ride to her home looking back and forth at each other, blushing if they happened to meet each other's eyes. They were growing enamored of each other.

When they pulled into her driveway, he moved to walk her to the door, but she stopped him, suggesting that she talk to Izzie and George before he came into their home again. Mark hugged her, as best as he could in the car, and kissed her forehead, not yet daring to go further. They said their goodbyes, obviously not wanting to be parted, and he watched her walk to the door for a moment before driving off, in such a state of tranquility that he didn't notice the dark –even dreamy- figure sitting on a swing on the porch, waiting for Meredith.

* * *

_Unfortunately, my next update won't be for a couple of days, as I will be taking a vacation to where no computers will be availible. I'll work extra hard when I return to get the next chapter up for you guys! And if you review, I'll be especially inclined... 3_


	8. Who Am I?

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. It is, in fact, Shonda's. And unfortunately In Shonda's Grey's Anatomy, McSteamy and McDreamy are not fighting over me. Boo Shonda.**

Derek sat on Meredith's porch swing, awaiting her return. He cradled his head in his palms, running his hands through his hair anxiously. He saw headlights pull into the driveway and sit, stalled for a few moments. He finally saw Meredith step out of the car, her face slightly flushed, and walk towards the house. The car waited for a moment before leaving, almost as if the driver had watched her walk to the door.

'Meredith.' Derek uttered lovingly.

'Derek…What are you doing here?'

'I had to talk to you. Like I haven't been able to do in a while.' Meredith sat silently, unsure of how to respond. 'Mer, who brought you home? It's late. Where have you been?' A blush crept her cheeks.

'Oh, nobody you would know. Just having dinner with a friend,' she quickly lied. She knew Derek could see through her. His gaze could penetrate her. 'Fine. It was Mark. Mark and I went to dinner. But only as friends. We were just getting to know each other. Nothing happened.'

'Meredith,' Derek said softly, 'I trust you. If you say it was nothing, then I believe you.' There was the slightest sense of bitterness in his voice, which he tried to hide. Meredith stood uncomfortably and averted her gaze. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. That's not why I came here, though.' Derek grabbed Meredith's hand gently and guided her to sit down next to him on the swing. He sat overwhelmingly close. 'Mer, I love you. I can't be without you. I need you. And I know things have been difficult recently, but you have to know. I love you.'

'What does this mean, Derek? Did you divorce Addison?' Derek shifted uncomfortably.

'Meredith…' She pulled away from Derek. She quickly moved off of the swing. 'I don't love her. I love you. I intend to divorce her.'

'But you haven't. Seriously! You can't say things to me while you're married. You just can't Derek.' Meredith walked towards her door, but he grabbed her arm firmly.

'I let you walk away too many times before. But not now. I know that this is bad for you. It isn't good for me either. We were blissfully happy together and all I can dream about is what could have happened if I hadn't been so ignorant. But here's the thing, I love you. And I can't imagine my life without you.' He pulled her into a passionate kiss. Shivers surged through Meredith's body. When they pulled away, there were tears in her eyes and she tried to normalize her breathing. She stared into his eyes, shaking her head slightly.

'Derek, I just can't.' Meredith walked away, and this time Derek didn't stop her from walking away.

* * *

Derek drove out of Meredith's driveway, dejectedly. He went home to his empty trailer and sat on his porch, a glass of scotch in hand. He had seen the pain in Meredith's eyes when he kissed her. He knew she loved him; he could tell, but the look in her eyes was so full of pain and regret. She didn't want to love him anymore. He hated hurting her. He hated it more than anything. Seeing Meredith had finally led Derek to understanding that he had to make a choice; that he couldn't remain indecisive, hurting all three people involved.

Derek hadn't been in love with Addison, consciously for two years. He had been married to her for eleven. He had loved Meredith for two months. Derek nostalgically remembered his happy years with Addison. Most of his memories involved Mark as well. He wished those days had never ended. Their lives were blissful then. But everything was different now. He loves Meredith. Mark loved his wife. Derek knew what his choice would be. It wasn't really one he had to decide. The answer had always been there. Derek went inside and took out the divorce papers Addison had given him a few days before. With little hesitation, he took his pen in hand and signed the papers, effectively voiding the last eleven years of his life and making way for a future with Meredith.

* * *

Burke was walking down the halls of Seattle Grace looking for Cristina when he got a page from Chief Webber, calling him to his office. Burke went into his office and shook the Chief's hand firmly.

'Preston, I spoke with Dr. Yang yesterday. She's taken a leave of absence for a… minor procedure. I wasn't sure if you knew that she was leaving…and I figured you might want to be there too…' Chief said awkwardly.

'Ah. I was aware of the procedure, but not that she was leaving so soon. Thank you for informing me, Chief.'

'Do you need to take a leave as well?'

'I believe so. I have to be there for her. I want to be there for her.' Chief Webber and Burke shook hands and nodded their goodbyes. Burke left the office and headed towards the parking lot.

* * *

Mark sat alone on a bed in an on-call room. He hadn't slept much the previous night, after being paged into emergency surgery during the middle of it. He didn't mind much, though. He knew it would have been a sleepless night anyway. He again attempted to sleep, but thoughts of Meredith and him invaded his mind. He had never found a connection like he shared with Meredith in a woman. Addison had been more of a mutual lust, repressed and forbidden enough to be confused for love. He thought fondly about the way Meredith smelled, giggled, breathed. But Derek was always there to ruin his happy reflections. Guilt wracked his mind. He had already taken Addison. How could he possibly even think about betraying Derek a second time? A second time that would be even more fatal to their friendship than the first.

A soft knocking broke his reverie, before a graceful redhead waltzed into the on-call room.

'Addison…' She closed the door behind herself and sat down on the bed next to him. Mark sat up.

'Mark, I'm so confused. I don't even think Derek wants me anymore. He doesn't love me. He loves her.' Addison gave Mark her best vulnerable, depressed look. But Mark was now immune.

'Addison, I'm sorry. But I just can't.' Mark walked out of the room, leaving a rejected Addison.

_I'm so sorry about the long wait for the next chapter. I'm already working on the next update so we get to find out exactly what is happening now that Derek has signed the divorce papers and Mark shows an intense conflict of interests. As always, reviews would be greatly appreciated. Any adivce or even potential plotlines you would particularly enjoy are always welcome suggestions. _


	9. Come To Me

**Disclaimer: If Grey's Anatomy was mine, I abuse my power and force McDreamy and McSteamy into loving me. That's just how it ought to be. **

Burke walked into the clinic in which Cristina was having her abortion. He went up to the desk and asked for her. She was in recovery. He got her room number and set off to find her. When he walked into her room, she was sleeping dressed in a hospital gown, quite the change to her normal attire. One never gets used to the role reversal of a doctor as a patient, Burke thought. He sat down in a chair next to her bed, watching the placid rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. Burke felt at peace when he was with Cristina. As he sat there, watching her, he was smiling to himself, thinking just how lucky he was to have her. Even with her rough edges and her hardcore nature. But he loved her. He fell asleep watching her and dreaming of their future together.

Cristina woke up to find Burke asleep a chair by her side. She sat up and began tersely waking him up. 'Burke…Burke…Burke!' He finally stirred and looked at her, smiling. 'What are you doing here. I left without telling you so you wouldn't show up here being all boyfriendy. I can do this on my own.'

'Cristina, I know how strong you are. I know you can do this. But I also know that underneath your hardcore cover, you actually have emotions. And that you need someone to hold your hand through this.' Cristina looked at Burke for a moment, before tears welled in her eyes and began to fall, harder than she had ever before. Burke got off of his chair and climbed onto her hospital bed with her, holding her tenderly. Cristina's tears eventually slowed and they both fell asleep, fitting perfectly in each other's arms.

* * *

Derek sat in his trailer, waiting for Addison to return. He had the signed papers on the table. It was time to come clean and admit his decision. He paged her and she said she was on her way. He fiddled with his pen. He didn't want to tell Addison that he picked another woman over her and he was growing more anxious as each moment passed. He finally saw a pair of lights pulling into the gravel driveway. He could hear her clacking heels walking onto the porch.

'Hey, Derek!' Addison said brightly, making him feel even worse.

'Addison, we have to talk.'

'Is something wrong? You never call me Addison. What is it Derek?'

'I…well, I…I signed the papers.' Addison gawked at him, disbelievingly.

'You're divorcing me? We were married for eleven years. That's almost a third of our lives! You can't just throw that away!'

'Addison, I know. And I'm terribly sorry. But I can't ever trust you again after what you did to me. And I love Meredith. I don't mean to say that to hurt you, but it's true. I don't want to put you in such an unfair situation again. I could never promise that I would love you like I did, because I love someone else. I couldn't promise my heart to you. And marriage is nothing if I couldn't promise that.'

Addison stared blankly at Derek. She thought that Derek would have come back to her. Before, he would have. It wasn't his nature to give up so easily. Addison grabbed the papers and began to leave the trailer. 'I'll take these to my lawyer. We'll meet to discuss settlements when it's convenient. Goodbye Derek,' Addison said, void of any emotion.

'Addison, I'm sorry.' Addison looked back once more and walked out. Derek and Addison used to be that perfect couple that all other couples aspired to be. And now they were over forever. She felt that love had taken a severe blow. 'Maybe we weren't so perfect after all,' thought Addison sadly before driving to get a hotel room for one.

* * *

Derek gave Addison a courtesy couple of minutes before driving dangerously quickly to Meredith's. He knew that he was being such an ass to Addison, but he couldn't help himself. He needed to tell Meredith. He needed to be with her again. He reached her house and ran to the door and knocked, repeatedly and impatiently.

To his dismay, Izzie opened the door.

'I need to speak with Meredith. It's really important.' Derek spoke rapidly.

'Uhm…ok…I'll go get her. Just wait outside, in case she just wants to slam the door in your face again. I mean, you couldn't blame her.' Derek ignored her protectiveness and looked increasing impatient.

Izzie went up to Meredith's room, where she was lying on her bed, obviously in deep thought.

'Mer, you have a visitor.'

Meredith's mind immediately flashed to Mark. A smile crept her face.

'I wouldn't be that excited. It's McDreamy. Or Dr. Shepard now I guess. Whatever. He's here.' Izzie walked off, leaving a nervous Meredith who quickly ran down the stairs.

Derek's face lit up when he saw her. 'Meredith.'

'Hi, Derek. Ok, I thought we talked about this. I said I didn't want to talk to you.'

'I left Addison. I signed the papers. We're divorced. I love you.' Meredith looked shocked.

'Oh…you actually picked me?'

'I told you I would. You should trust me better.' Derek inched closer. 'I'm very trustworthy, you know.' Meredith looked unamused. 'Well, besides that… But my point is, I'm here loving you. Wanting you. And I'm able to want you. I'm able to take you in my arms and kiss you whenever I want.' Derek moved towards her, placing his arms around her, treasuring the moment. He stared into her shaken eyes and kissed her, filled with the same passion and intensity shared the other night. They kissed for what felt like an eternity.

'Derek, I love you too.' He looked relieved. 'And I want to be with you. But here's the thing, you damaged me. And I'm going to need my time to make that all right.'

'Meredith, I will give you anything you want. Because I'll want you and love you forever. You're my forever.'

She fell into his embrace. Meredith tried to imagine him in the same way that he imagined her. Forever. She had lost her optimism that Derek was her forever. It was replaced by confusion and dismay. Maybe she could still let him be her forever. She loved him…right? Didn't she still love Derek?

* * *

Meredith didn't invite Derek up that night. He understood that she needed some time to regroup. He didn't understand that she was questioning the foundations of everything he so firmly believed in. Meredith didn't sleep that night. She was afraid that she had made the wrong decision in letting Derek back into her life. She thought of Mark, and was afraid of telling him that they got back together. She knew he would be displeased. She feared she would lose Mark. They hadn't known each other for long, but they had a connection. She couldn't bear to destroy that. She began to fear that it was more than just a friendship connection. She began to imagine a romantic connection between herself and Mark. It didn't even take much imagination, because she knew it was there. It scared her. She was caught in a purgatory of romance. She loved Derek. He hurt her. She met Mark. He took away some of her pain. But part of her still loved Derek. Meredith spent the night pondering every angle of the situation, not finding much delight in it. She reminisced about the good times she shared with Derek. She tended to overlook those. Addison seemed more prominent than any pleasure they had shared together. As she remembered, she hoped that the times ahead could be like that. Because leaving him, after he left his wife for her, could never be easy. It would be too painful and Meredith didn't think she would have the courage to do it. She tried to put all thoughts of Mark out of her head. She had what she wanted. Now, why wasn't she happy?

* * *

_Ok, I got two updates up in a single day. Does that mean you love me? So show me your love by reviewing. And thanks so much for those who have already reviewed. It means a lot to me. LOVE!_

_Yes, Derek and Meredith got back together. But don't just assume it's for good. You see the tension in Meredith's mind. Just wait until you see the tension between Mark and Meredith. I told you coming in that it would be a love triangle. So get ready for the intense parts. _


	10. Confrontation

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy, so not mine. McSteamy, so perfect for me. I'm working on my magic skills so I can make him real. If I ever perfect those, then I can write a story about them and not even have to use a disclaimer. But that's not what's really important. ...How's that for obscure and irrelevant.**

* * *

The morning after her sleepless night, Meredith walked listlessly into the hospital. She trudged into the elevator, collapsing against the back wall as it carried her upwards to the surgical floor.

'Rough night?' Meredith heard Mark's voice. She looked up to see him standing over her, grinning.

'I couldn't sleep.' Mark sat down next to her.

'Why not?'

'I had a lot on my mind.'

'Are you planning on elaborating?'

Meredith paused. She didn't want him to know what she had done. 'I don't really want to talk about it. But I guess I have to talk about it.' Mark stared inquisitively. 'Derek and Addison are divorced. And…Derek and I got back together…kind of.' Mark's face fell. Meredith's face was flushed intensely. Mark didn't know what to say.

'I hope he doesn't hurt you again,' Mark said, with an obvious twinge of bitterness. Meredith didn't respond. Mark noted the absence of happiness on her face. She tilted her head onto Mark's shoulder, in need of comfort. Mark mimicked her gesture, and sighed happily. The moment was quickly broken by the doors opening to reveal Derek.

'Meredith!' Derek walked over and helped her up off the floor. He kissed her, longer than Meredith approved of in public. Mark gawked at Derek as he stood up. It was as if he was marking his territory. Mark walked disgustedly out of the elevator. Meredith pulled out of Derek's kiss.

'Good morning, Derek. By the way, we can't kiss like that in the hospital. Everyone will get all gossipy. And that's not good for me. And besides, making out in public…it's annoying.' Derek grinned at her.

'Meredith, I missed you last night. I needed a good start to the day. Besides, we're alone now.' Derek said suggestively, as he shot her his signature grin.

'I have rounds. Bye, Derek.' Derek reached for her waist, but Meredith danced out of reach. Meredith looked back at him. 'Not this time.' Derek looked back, amused and perplexed.

* * *

Mark stormed off the elevator and into the nearest on call room. He didn't have surgery for an hour and needed to take every moment to secure his frustrations. He collapsed onto the bed, fuming. He couldn't believe that Meredith would have the self-disrespect to get back together with Derek after what he did to her. Maybe he was just being irrational. He knew that Meredith loved Derek. He knew he couldn't blame her for getting back together with him. Condemning her for being in love with Derek was hypocrisy, considering what he had once felt for Addison. Mark couldn't pinpoint why he was so concerned by Meredith's news. He was been always been expecting it, on some level.

His thoughts were disrupted by Addison's arrival into the room.

'Mark, I've been looking all over for you. What's wrong?'

'Nothing, I was just thinking.'

'Derek signed the papers,' Addison said pathetically.

'I heard.' Addison looked shocked.

'Derek told you?'

'Meredith did.'

Addison looked furious. 'So what, he waits like a minute before he goes straight to that whore?'

'Addison, she's not a whore.'

'So you're defending her now too?'

'She's my friend. We've been through similar experiences. She' s not a whore.'

'Anyway, it doesn't matter. Mark, I need to tell you something.' Mark faked an endearing look. 'Mark, I didn't want to get back with Derek. Ever since I left New York…since I left you, I haven't felt the same. I need you Mark. We belong together. I love you. And I think you still love me too.' Addison's speech was oddly familiar to the one she gave Derek upon her arrival. 'Mark, give us another chance.'

Mark looked speechless. After a moment of pure shock, he became exceptionally frustrated. 'Addison, you left me. You flew across the country for him. He left you and now you're running back to me. You know what, I'm done. I'm done with you. I'm not just here for you when Derek isn't.' Mark walked out of the on-call room, with even more on his mind then when he went in.

Addison chased after him. 'Come on, Mark. We were good together. We had a great relationship. We should go back to New York and be together. I made a mistake leaving you. We belong together.'

'Addison, I've given you my decision. I don't want you anymore. You ruined our chances when you left me.'

'Then goodbye Mark. I'm going back to New York tonight.'

'Goodbye Addison. I hope you're happy.' Addison stared at Mark, with obvious surprise at his coldness. She took his face in her hands and kissed him passionately. Mark pulled away instantly and stalked off without looking back. Addison watched him until he got out of her sight. She packed up her locker and left Seattle for good, without saying any more goodbyes.

* * *

Mark saw Meredith studying a chart at a nurse's station, sipping coffee. He stood behind her and began whispering into her ear.

'Addison is gone. She went back to New York.'

Meredith turned around. 'Seriously?' Mark nodded. She touched his arm lightly. 'I'm sorry.'

'Why?'

'Oh…I figured you might want to, you know, get back together or something…' She trailed off as Mark's look turned more cynical.

'No. That's something that is definitely over.' Meredith smirked.

'Well, then, I'm glad for you…I guess.' Meredith suddenly realized she was still touching him and pulled away, blushing furiously.

'So, I saw you and Derek about to get it on in the elevator.' Mark grinned ironically as Meredith looked humiliated and her cheeks turned even brighter.

'I don't like public kissing.'

'You couldn't tell, you know.'

'So not my fault.'

Mark abruptly turned the conversation into a darker place. 'Are you happy with him now?'

Meredith looked slightly nauseated. 'Yes. I'm fine. I mean, happy. Really happy.'

'You don't look happy. And you said you were fine. It's common knowledge that if you say you're fine, something is terribly, terribly wrong in your life.'

'Mark, I love Derek.'

'But you have reservations?'

'He had a wife. Of course I'm a little freaked out. But I love him. Doesn't that overpower everything else?'

'Does he know about these reservations?'

'Yes…I mean, no. Not really. I told him to take it slow. He doesn't know the extent.' Meredith stared sadly into space. She jerked out of her reverie. 'Why are you so curious?'

'No reason,' Mark said hurriedly and slightly panicked. 'I just want you to be happy. And I don't want to see you hurt again.' Meredith smiled at him sweetly, before excusing herself to check on a patient. He sighed as he watched her walk away.

* * *

That afternoon, Mark met Derek in the elevator. Derek nodded, acknowledging Mark's presence.

'You're being awfully friendly this afternoon, Derek.'

'It's just what happens when life is going so well, I guess.'

'Addison went back to New York.'

'Seriously?' Mark nodded. 'I can't believe she didn't even say goodbye.'

'Can you blame her? You signed the divorce papers and ran straight to Meredith.'

'Well…I guess. I just couldn't stand being apart from her any longer. Meredith…she's perfect.' Mark nodded sadly.

'Derek…' He looked at Mark with an odd, curious expression. 'Don't hurt her. You've given her enough grief. I couldn't stand to see her cry anymore over you.' Derek looked confused and stared blankly at him as he left the elevator.

* * *

Derek couldn't believe that Mark defended Meredith against him. He didn't even know he cared. He went on a frantic search to find her. He saw her inside a patients room and waited, anxiously, outside. She walked out, talking with George.

'Meredith, I need to talk to you.'

'Hey, Derek!' She said brightly. 'Uhm, sure. What is it?'

Derek pulled Meredith into a supply closet. 'Meredith, what happened between you and Mark?'

Meredith was stunned. 'Why do you ask?'

'Because, I told him I loved you and he freaked out. He's afraid I'm going to hurt you. He was genuinely worried about you and I need to know why. It's never been like Mark to form big emotional attachments, especially after just knowing you for a couple of days.'

Meredith flitted her eyes awkwardly. 'We're just friends. We talked at the bar a couple of times. Bar friends.'

'Meredith, I'm going to ask you one more time, because I know you aren't giving me the full story. What happened between you and Mark?'

* * *

_Yeah, I went there. The intensity is risingggg. Thanks for all the amazing reviews. I love you guys. Keep them up! I'll try to end your 'agony' as soon as I can!_


	11. Castle on a Cloud

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's.**

_Sorry about the long wait for my update. School started and I'm busy. And I started another fic. Probably a bad idea, but my plot was just too cute to wait. You should read it, Mer/Mark fans. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!_

* * *

'_Meredith, I'm going to ask you one more time. What happened between you and Mark?'_

'Seriously? We were dating. And you had a wife. And now you accuse me of cheating? SERIOUSLY?'

'Mer, I wasn't…'

'No, Derek. You were. You so freaking were.'

'I didn't mean it that way. He stood up for you. He told me not to hurt you. That's not like the Mark I know…or knew. I need to know why he has an attachment to you. He looked…' Derek trailed off suddenly.

'He looked what?'

'Like he loved you.' Meredith didn't know how to respond. She also didn't know why her heart skipped a beat.

'How did you get that interpretation? We're friends. We drink. At bars. We're dirty mistresses; we understand each other.'

'Dirty mistresses?'

'You know…the whole him and Addison and then me and you with the whole marriage thing,' Meredith murmured awkwardly. 'It doesn't matter. We're just really good friends.'

'Meredith, I don't want you to see him anymore.' Meredith stared blankly. 'I can't trust him. And especially not around you. I love you. I don't want to even think about him… well, touching you with his hands. I've had past experiences with him doing that to people I love.'

'I can't not see him. He's my friend. He's a good person. He wouldn't try anything with me. Not now. Not after the Addison thing. But especially, because he's a good man. He made a mistake once. But so did you. You make him out to be guilty, but you cheated too.' Derek looked guilty. She was right. He wasn't innocent either.

'Mer, don't I mean enough to you? Can't you let me understand you like he does?'

'Seriously Derek?' Tears started falling down her cheeks, in frustration.

'Don't cry.' He embraced her sobbing figure. He realized that this wasn't the direction he needed to take things, especially so soon after the marriage incident. 'I'm just being overprotective. Of course I trust you. I just don't want anything bad to happen to us. I don't want more anguish. I've been through a week of life without you. It was miserable. I'm sorry for making you cry.' After a moment, Derek released his grasp on Meredith. 'Are you alright?'

'No. I'm not alright. Not right now at least.'

'Do you want to talk about it?'

'No. I just need to be alone right now.'

'Meredith….'

'Derek, please. Go.' Derek heeded her orders. He left Meredith alone in the closet.

Mark saw Derek walk out of the supply closet, looking distraught. He sensed that Meredith would be still inside. Derek appeared as if coming, wounded, from a lover's quarrel. He softly tapped the closet door before entering. He saw Meredith weeping in a ball on the ground. He immediately sunk down and gathered her in his arms, waiting for the tears to stop falling.

He held her in silence. Meredith wasn't ready to face Mark again. Derek had said he seemed like he loved her. Mark might love her. Or even like her. Meredith wasn't sure how she was responding to the claims yet. All she knew was that when he walked in, she knew that it would be all right. Something about him took away her pain. And she would give anything to remain in his arms.

Mark was furious. Meredith was crying in a supply closet, and it was all Derek's fault. He didn't yet know what had occurred, but he could sense something amiss. He had warned Derek too. Mark hated to see her cry, especially at Derek's doing. There was just something about her that brought on a strong connection between them. Something that was so intense, so blatant. He wondered where it was going to go. But he would have given anything to just remain there, him holding Meredith in his arms.

Meredith's tears finally began to slow, the last of the drops meandering down her pink cheeks. She turned her puffy eyes up at Mark.

'Are you ready to talk about it?'

'Derek. He yelled at me. Because you told him not to hurt me. Isn't that the most ridiculous piece of crap you've ever heard? You stood up for me. It's what friends do. And he yelled at me and accused me of cheating on him…'

'He did what?'

'Yeah…he said I was having some kind of affair with you. We're too close. He's afraid I'm going to do what Addison did.'

'Meredith, I'm so sorry.'

'I mean, can't people just be friends? Sure, he has prejudice against you, but I'm not Addison. He just won't believe me…' Meredith went back into sobs. Mark held her tighter. Her words made him think. For a while, he thought he would always love Addison. Yet he was here, holding Meredith, feeling things that he didn't usually feel. A sense of complacency just holding someone, just holding. And especially with someone who…who wasn't Addison. She was Meredith. And he had never been happier that she was Meredith.

'Meredith, you're a really good friend to me. You've been there for me when I probably didn't deserve it. I want you to be happy. I guess Derek makes you happy. And I know I'm interfering with that. So Mer…I don't want to jeopardize your relationship. I hate to do this, but if being your friend does, in fact, ruin your relationship with Derek, then I will step down from friendship.' Meredith looked at Mark with a mixture of horror and fear.

'Mark, don't say that. Derek is going to have to understand. I can't not be your friend.'

'Mer, I don't want to ruin anything for you, ruin your chances of happiness. I'm afraid that I might do that.'

'He'll understand. Besides, it's not like anything is going on between us that would jeopardize Derek. I mean, we're just friends. Good friends…right?' Meredith looked slightly unconvinced, but Mark tried not to notice. He had already caused enough pain for her. He couldn't withstand causing her more. So he hid his emotions and gave her the answer she needed to hear right now.

'Right, Mer. Just friends.' Meredith cuddled herself into Mark for a few speechless minutes. Eventually, her tears had stopped falling long enough for her eyes to appear normal again. She didn't want to go out into the hospital, the breeding ground for gossip, looking like she had been crying, even if she had.

Their pagers interrupted the silence. They were both needed to answer an emergency trauma call. Mark looked at her sincerely. 'Are you ready to go out? To face them?' Meredith looked into his eyes and felt stronger.

'Yes.'

Mark pulled her onto her feet and opened the closet door. Derek saw them together and looked incredulously.

'Meredith!' He uttered tersely. His anger was blatant. Meredith looked ashamed.

Their inevitable fight was stopped by the wheeling of a gurney in between Meredith and Derek. Meredith looked in shock down at the patient.

'What is it, Mer?' Mark questioned.

'…It's Camille…'

'Camille?'

'The chief's niece.'

* * *

_You know what that means... PROM! Yes, prom is definitely going to happen. Prepare to get very, exceptionally excited. _


	12. Master of the House

**Disclaimer: Grey's Not mine. Seriously.**

* * *

'Camille Travis, 18, was admitted last night at her prom after well…' Izzie trailed off. Camille was the chief's niece, and the chief didn't need to hear about her sexual activity. 'Well…she has been diagnosed with a reoccurrence of ovarian cancer.' Izzie's voice dropped. 'No treatment options are possible.' Camille tried to keep an unwavering smile. The chief watched her with a broken heart.

'Camille, is there anything we can do…to make you more comfortable? Happier?' the chief asked sorrowfully.

'Actually…' Camille began, 'I never got to finish my high school prom. Could we have one…here?'

The chief looked slightly surprised, but in his endearing effort to make his niece happy, he agreed. 'Anything you want Camille. Where's Dr. Bailey?' She stepped forward out of the huddled gathering of surgeons. 'Bailey, I want your interns to assist Camille in preparations.' Alex cursed under his breath. George looked horrified. Izzie giggled merrily. Meredith just looked blank. 'Do we have any problems here?' Chief Webber uttered angrily.

'No sir.' George piped.

The five interns walked out of Camille's room, with a task more challenging and emotionally taxing than any surgery.

As Meredith headed to the cafeteria for a quick lunch before they began preparations, Derek caught her by the arm.

'Meredith, what the hell are you doing? What were you doing in that room alone with Mark? Not a minute after I asked you not to do things like that to me anymore.'

'Seriously? You hurt me. And he was there for me. Because you called me a slut. Or indirectly. I just needed someone to cry on. Someone that wasn't you.'

'Can't you just cry on Cristina?'

'Cristina is at home. She had a freaking abortion.'

'Well, somebody that isn't Mark.'

'Derek, I can't keep doing this. I can't have you doubting me like this. Can't you understand? I'm not going to cheat on you.' Her last words created enormous space between them. Derek looked ashamed.

'Meredith…I'm sorry. I was out of control. Can I make it up to you? I promise I will. It's just been a tough time for me.' Derek pulled Meredith against him. She could feel his pain.

'You could escort me to prom.' Meredith looked at him playfully.

'I would do anything for you, Mer. And I would be honored to escort you to prom.' Meredith grinned at him. He smirked back at her. Maybe she was wrong…maybe they could be happy again…

'Oh My God!' The interns heard shrieks and giggles erupting from Camille's room. They approached reluctantly. Because Camille's two very, very best friends in the whole, entire universe were here to help with the planning.

'Stephen and Sarah totally made out at prom.'

'Oh my God! Wasn't she going with Andrew?'

'Totally. It was like crazy intense.'

'Oh my God!' Alex chimed in sarcastically. The girls rolled their heavily mascara-ed eyes.

'Alex.' George hissed. 'Chief's niece… chief's niece…'

'We need to pick a theme!' Izzie half-squealed. The teenage girl in her was coming out full force. Meredith looked annoyed. She was never the teenage, giggly girl type.

'Ohh! How about 'Over the Rainbow.' It can be all brightly colored like the rainbow.'

'And glitter?' Alex beat himself with his notebook. The girls and Izzie went through hundreds of themes, all pronounced with a high-pitched rapidity. Finally, Meredith could not handle explosion of bright and bubbly.

'Ok, so we don't really need a theme. Just a color coordination. Black and silver. It's elegant, sophisticated. Reminiscent of old Hollywood. Besides, fashion week does black and silver. Because the dresses pop, no matter what color they are.'

'So Grey, you actually are a girl.' Alex remarked snidely.

'Shut up.'

'It's perfect.' Camille shrieked. The girls went into frenzy and began talking more about the plans. But Meredith walked out of the room. She couldn't handle everything that happened to her today. First the fight with Derek. Then the weird Mark thing. Her life was just going downhill. And now she had to go to a prom. She was 28 years old and she had to go to another prom.

'So, how's prom planning coming along?' Meredith heard Mark's deep voice approach from behind her. It was subtly softened.

'You were very fortunate that you were never a teenage girl. I am very unfortunate in that I have to become one again.'

'That bad?'

'Terrible. And I have no idea how it's going to get done by tomorrow night. It's freaking ridiculous.' Meredith sighed and sunk into the nearest wall, an action Mark reciprocated. 'So, do you have a hot date?'

'No. I don't know many hot, single girls here. Besides, you can't bring random girls you meet at bars to a prom. I mean, prom shows commitment,' Mark said sarcastically. 'You going with Derek?'

'I think I'm obliged to.'

'What?'

'Sorry. Yes, I'm going with Derek.' Mark looked inquisitively at Meredith, who avoided his eye.

'Is something going on between you two? I mean, I know you fought before, but is there something serious going on?'

'Oh no. It's all over. Just a misunderstanding.' Mark didn't believe her, but she never elaborated. 'I have to go. Blow up balloons and make nonalcoholic punch.' Meredith grimaced. 'Prom sucks.'

The interns were busy planning. Izzie and Alex had spent hours blowing hundred of balloons. They were alone together, as Meredith and George were working on the catering.

'Dude, why are you grinning?'

'Prom, Alex! I know you don't understand, but girls love prom.'

'Do you have a date?'

'Not yet.'

'Want to go with me?'

'Seriously Alex?'

'Yeah.'

'Ok. I'll go with you to prom. But you better look hot. I don't go with ugly guys to prom.'

'Barbie…' Izzie's grin had greatly widened and even Alex donned a smirk. At least for some, the day had begun to look up.

Meredith was still moping. George was growing ever frustrated that she didn't help him, sitting there listless.

'What's wrong Meredith?'

'Nothing. I'm fine.'

'Stop saying that. We both know it isn't true.'

'Never mind. So, what kind of food did we decide on?' George decided to drop the issue and get back to work. She wouldn't let him in. He had to get used to it.

The hours leading up to prom dragged, intolerably slowly. Izzie had stopped working and had become entirely focused on her hair and dress. Meredith could not handle the pre-prom stress and left, to go prepare.

On her way out, she saw Derek.

'Are you going to go get ready?'

'Yes.'

'Mer, I'm really sorry about before.'

'I know. And it's fine.'

'Shall I pick you up tonight?'

'Don't worry about it. I can bring myself here.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah. I have to go.'

Derek watched as she walked hastily away. He could tell she was distancing herself from him and he didn't think it was because of the fight. He just didn't know why.

As Meredith dressed for prom, she was not thinking of Derek. She was thinking of Mark. She didn't mean to. She didn't even notice she was thinking about someone who wasn't her boyfriend. But as she pulled on her elegant blue dress and checked her make-up, she was thinking only Mark.

She got in her car, pedaling in ridiculous heels, and drove back to the hospital. Meredith heard the music from inside. She was nervous. It was high school all over again. She took a deep breath and headed in. Her entrance caught the notice of not only one, but two tuxedoed doctors, fixated on her. One man was grinning as she came to him; the other was grimacing as she went to another man.


	13. Waltz of Treachery

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish my prom would be like this, it isn't. It's Shonda's prom. **

* * *

Mark watched sadly as Derek ran to Meredith. Derek looked so happy to see her. It pained Mark to see that. Two weeks ago, Derek's wife had shown up. Barely a week ago, Derek had divorced Addison. And now Derek had his Meredith back again. Mark wasn't sure how it happened so fast. He hadn't even been in Seattle for two weeks. And yet he already loved her. He already wanted her more than anything. He already needed her.

She wore a smile and a figure-hugging black dress. She looked beautiful, he thought longingly, utterly beautiful. Her dress left her shoulders bare. It was simple and classically cut. It emphasized her tiny waist before plummeting outwards in a fuller skirt. Her hair framed her face in soft waves. Her lips were rosy and full. Mark would have given anything to touch them, to kiss them. She wore no jewelry, only carrying a small bag on one arm.

He saw Derek kiss her lips; jealousy flooded him. Derek placed one hand on the small of her back, escorting her. They began to dance, a slow swaying of a dance. Meredith had her arms around his neck, while Derek had his on her lower waist. They were talking; he was grinning, while her smile was fainter. He pulled her tighter against him and she put her head on his shoulder. They stayed in that position, comfortably, for the moment.

And still, Mark couldn't keep his eyes off of her.

Derek clutched tightly to Meredith, oblivious of the single tear dripping down her cheek. Meredith brushed it away.

Suddenly, finally, her eyes shifted upon his. He saw her quick intake of breath, a gasp. Her eyes grew wide and a small smile graced her lips. Their eyes remained interlocked for a moment, when suddenly she pulled from Derek. Mark saw her mouth moving, forming unrecognizable words, and Derek nodding. Derek squeezed her hand before letting her go. She briskly walked away from him, towards an empty hallway. Mark watched as Derek turned away and went to talk to Chief Webber. Certain that Derek would not notice him, Mark chased after Meredith.

'Meredith!' he called after her.

'Leave me alone.' She slid herself into an exam room, attempting to close the door now blocked by Mark's body. He followed her inside. 'What do you want, Mark?' she cried as she turned to him, their bodies separated only by inches.

'Meredith, I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend. You can't be with him.'

'Why not? You don't own me, Mark. I'm not yours. I can be with whoever I want to.' Mark cringed at her words, which she seemingly regretted.

'No, you can't! Don't you get it?' Mark stared at her, his eyes filled with desire. Meredith tried to control the feelings that were overcoming her. She tried to pretend that she felt nothing for him, but Mark knew better than to believe her. 'Meredith… I know that we haven't known each other that long. I know that we have this crazy circumstance. But I love you. And as I see it, you can't be with him. I can't imagine you being with him, because that would mean that you wouldn't be with me. I can't imagine my life without you. I love you.' She stood, shocked and disbelieving. Mark reached for her hand, a gesture she roughly pulled away from. Tears stained her cheeks.

'Mark… I'm trying really hard to be happy here, with Derek. I used to love him…maybe, and I can love him. He isn't married. He left his freaking wife for me. I want to be happy. And he loves me. And…' She was interrupted.

'But you don't love him. You can't. It's ruined. He ruined it. He lied to you and you resent him for it. You can't love him anymore. I see you everyday with him. It's in your face. It's in your body language. It's in your words. He may love you, but you most certainly don't love him.'

'I…I…'

'You can pretend to, but I see the indifference that you try to suppress. And you can try to love him, but it won't get you anywhere. But I've felt you next to me, in my arms. And I know that what you feel for me is not indifference. I saw your face when our eyes met. You couldn't bear to be in his arms anymore. We have something here. It's something incredible. I love you, Meredith.' Mark wrapped his arms around her waist. Meredith couldn't deny her feelings anymore. She was done lying to herself and to everyone else.

'Mark…I love you too.'

Mark took her face in his hands and kissed her. It was soft at first, meek almost. Shivers tingled their bodies as they came together with more passion and intensity. Meredith ran her hands through his thick hair as Mark caressed her bare shoulders.

Meredith slowly eased them back onto the exam chair. Their hands began to roam over each other's bodies. Mark unzipped the back of her dress, exposing her lacy black bra, which he unhooked. He began stroking her breasts; she was excited by his touch.

'Mark,' Meredith groaned.

Meredith reached down to unbutton Mark's pants. Suddenly Mark pulled away, breathing very heavily.

'Mer, we can't do this. It's not right. Not now, at least.' They were trying to catch their breath. 'You're still technically with him.'

'I need to tell Derek. I can't deny us anymore. I love you, Mark.'

'I love you too, Meredith.'

Mark helped her hook her bra and zip her dress back up. She smoothed his hair. Mark pulled her in for one last, passionate kiss before they emerged together from the exam room.

They walked, hand-in-hand, down the empty corridor until they began to come close to the public area. Meredith broke the contact and rushed ahead of Mark. She saw Derek and walked over to him. He appeared frustrated.

'Where have you been? It's been half an hour.' Derek saw the blush creeping across her face.

'I…I was…'

Derek watched, horrified, as Mark caught up with Meredith, suddenly standing closely next to her.

'Meredith…'

Meredith looked at Derek, sadly. She could feel Mark's eyes on her and shifted her gaze. Derek looked, back and forth, at the pair of them with a sudden realization.

'Meredith…'

* * *

_Ah, Meredith and Mark. Finally. _


	14. Look Down

**Disclaimer: This is not the real Grey's Anatomy. It is a fantasy-esque reflection of Grey's Anatomy. Saying that I own Grey's Anatomy would be a similar fantasy. **

* * *

'Meredith!' Derek repeated, his eyes pleading with her.

Meredith was overcome with nausea. She hastily grabbed the hem of her dress and ran out of the hospital. Once outside, she collapsed in sobs onto the ground. She heard footsteps and turned around to see Derek.

'I may have gotten upset sometimes, but I did everything to make it up to you. I left my wife for you. I told you I loved you. And I will continue to tell you I love you, because I do. I love you. But, damn it, isn't that enough? What more could I possibly do or say to make you happier, because I would do it. What more could you possibly want from me?' Tears collected in his eyes.

'Derek, I don't want anything else from you. You were…are great. But I can't do this anymore.'

'So you sleep with Mark? You could not have picked a more painful person, Mer. But I'm still willing to save us. Doesn't that mean something?'

'I didn't sleep with Mark. We kissed; that's all. But I love him. I really love him.' Derek couldn't respond. 'I'm so sorry, Derek.'

'I can't be without you. I need you. I can't breathe without you.'

'There was a time when I felt the same. But it's over now. It's just so over.'

'So you really love him?'

Meredith nodded.

'Then, I hope you're happy with him.' Meredith met his eyes. He pulled her into a deep kiss, a goodbye kiss. 'Or I hope he screws it up and you realize who you should have been with the whole time. Goodbye Meredith.'

She watched him as he trudged away. She remained sitting on the sidewalk, her dress pooling around her, contemplating his words. He scared her. His kiss scared her. Now that they were apart, and she was with Mark, how far would be go to bring her back into his arms? How much did Derek really love her?

Meredith felt arms enclose her petite frame and Mark's cheek upon hers.

'Did it go ok?'

'As well as it could have.'

'He didn't…say things to you? If he hurt you in any way, I swear I'll…'

'Mark, it's ok. He… didn't do anything like that. He seemed a little upset; that's all.'

Mark held her tighter. 'Good.' Meredith rested her head on his chest. 'Come on, let me take you home.' Meredith nodded as Mark stood up. Taking her arms in his hands, he pulled her off of the ground.

She smiled, still slightly weakly. It wasn't that she still loved Derek or still had the slightest inclination to be with him- for she didn't. Her heart belonged solely to Mark. But the sting was still there. She and Derek once had something very powerful. Deep loves are never just gone. They will always remain, nagging our hearts when we desire them the least.

Mark held her, his arms loosely embracing her waist, as they walked together to his car. He opened the car door and helped her into his excessively expensive vehicle. He leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. Meredith's smile shone a little brighter.

Mark walked to the driver's side and joined Meredith inside. She looked at him, with an aura of complacency.

'So this, us, it's really going to happen?' Mark asked.

'Yeah, it really is.'

'And you really love me? Because I love you.'

'I love you, Mark.'

They drove together in blissful silence. Meredith watched him as he took her home. Mark stole glances from the road every now and again, finding her eyes faithfully at his.

Meredith let herself out of his car before Mark had his chance at chivalry. He walked her to the door, kissing her lightly.

'Is that it for tonight?' Meredith invited longingly.

'Meredith, I want to. But this is something great. It's not cheap. You mean more to me than that. We'll get there eventually, but this isn't cheap. It's not fake. I love you; and I want you to understand that.'

Meredith grinned. 'Whatever happened to gentlemen and chivalry and romance?'

'I think you've finally found it.'

'I think so too.'

And thus began a happiness so profound, so pure, so wonderful. For once in their lives, they knew that everything was right. It was perfect. And it was beautiful.

* * *

_I love the new episodes of Grey's Anatomy. And I died of happiness a little when Mark told Derek that he came to Seattle for him. Finally, they're making a good person out of him. Finally, they're showing the amazing side of McSteamy that we never really saw before, but knew was there. FINALLY! _

Sorry about the lack of recent updates. I hope to have more up soon. As always, review if you please.

Much happiness to you, dearest readers!


	15. Another Brawl

**Disclaimer: Seriously? Seriously? If Grey's were mine, do you think it would be like this? Nope. **

* * *

A week had passed since 'prom.' An agonizingly beautiful week. Mark snuck into the intern's locker room every morning to visit Meredith to hug her, to kiss her, to eliminate every doubt from her head that she chose correctly.

Christina burst into the locker room during one of their morning rituals.

'McSteamy? Mer… aren't you supposed to be doing McDreamy? I know they're both freakishly hot doctors, but there is a difference!'

Meredith giggled nercously. Mark tightened his grip on her waist.

'Seriously, Mer? I was only gone a week.'

Meredith ran to hug her person. 'How are you feeling?'

'Crap! I'm fine. I'm back. I should have been back earlier but Burke was being all protective over me. Boys are stupid. I'm fine. Now get the hell off of me,' she added, smiling.

Izzie, George, and Alex entered the room, noisily arguing with their reinstated caffeine highs.

'Christina! How are you feeling? Are you okay?' Izzie ran over, smothering the irritated Christina.

'I'm super,' Christina muttered sarcastically, rolling her eyes, 'Now don't touch me.'

'Oh! I'm so sorry! Are you sore?'

'No,' Christina responded tersely.

Their reunion was cut short by Bailey's entrance.

'Rounds, people. And…Dr. Sloan, what are you doing in here? This is the intern's locker room!'

Mark wrapped his arms around Meredith. 'I'm an intern by association.'

'Unless you want to be associated with scut and charts for the next month, I suggest that you do your job and stop distracting my interns!'

Mark kissed Meredith before scurrying off.

'Seriously people, this is a hospital. There are sick people here. Okay, assignments: Yang-pit.'

Christina sighed. 'I'm back. I'm fine. Let me do real work.'

'Yang-pit!' Bailey added with force. 'Stevens-Burke. Karev-Sloan. Grey-Shepard. O'Malley, you'll be with me.'

'Seriously!' Meredith moaned.

'Oh no, you don't get to complain. And consider keeping your personal life outside the hospital. Besides, he asked for you…before Dr. Sloan could.'

'This is going to be good,' Christina cackled, inviting an evil laugh from Alex. 'Go away Evil Spawn. Get your own evil moment.'

Christina and Meredith walked dejectedly to rounds.

'Trade?' Christina hoped.

'Shepard would notice.'

'A week ago he was Derek, a Derek that you pined over. It was pathetic. Now he's Shepard. What happened?'

'Today I'll be assertive…Today I'll be assertive…'

'Fine, but you should stop sleeping with all your bosses. Or at least stop complaining. So, tell me about McSteamy. Is he good? He looks like he'd be good, really good.'

'I wouldn't know,' Meredith responded innocently.

'Oh, you wouldn't know,' Christina mocked, 'It's you…and McSteamy. You definitely know.' Meredith just shook her head. 'Well, you better learn soon.' Christina shuffled to the pit muttering something about being 'too delicate.'

Meredith saw Derek leaning against the nurses' station, his eyes transfixed on her.

'Good morning, Meredith.' Upon seeing the confused and anxious look on her face, Derek further explained, 'We can still be friends.' He handed her a cup of coffee.

'Friends who bring each other coffee?' Meredith asked skeptically.

'Friends who bring each other coffee,' Derek confirmed. 'Maybe even friends who have real conversations, get drinks-dinner even- sometimes. Real friends.' Derek flashed his charming smile. Like Hell he was going to let her go that easily. He had given up too much for her already. He still loves her, still needs her. She should be his.

Derek and Meredith were scrubbed in on a hemispherectomy, after a day of Meredith trying to avoid Derek, who was acting a little too friendly. They had just finished opening their patient's skull when Meredith noticed Mark in the gallery. She gave him a smile and a wave, gestures not gone unnoticed by Derek.

'Grey,' he uttered tersely, 'I didn't invite you in my OR to flirt with other attendings you may be screwing.'

Meredith wanted to hit him, even if her fists happened to be tiny and ineffectual. Ass. 'I'm sorry I offended you, Dr. Shepard. It won't happen again.' She shot a last glance into the gallery, to find a fuming Mark. 'Uhm…Dr. Shepard…'

'What is it, Grey? Spit it out.'

'I think forgot something.'

'And what did I forget, Grey?' Derek asked, exasperatedly.

'That Dr. Sloan can hear you.'

Derek looked up and saw the same fuming Mark, who immediately ran off, reapperaing moments later in the OR.

'Dr. Sloan, as Dr. Grey here might enjoy your talents, I have no need for them in my OR.'

'Derek, you have no right to talk to my girlfriend like that. Especially during a surgery.'

'And I would advise that you didn't barge into my surgeries to protect your precious Dr. Grey.' By now Derek had completely abandoned his patient, whose brain was open on the table.

'Come on, Derek. I'm sorry you got hurt, but you hurt her first. And you know that she doesn't deserve your verbal abuse.'

'You know what I didn't deserve? You sleeping with my wife!'

'Dr. Shepard!' Meredith screamed, 'Her BP is dropping!'

'Dr. Sloan, get the hell out of my OR.'

Meredith looked sympathetically at Mark. Derek went back to his surgery. 'Dr. Grey, you have proven to be rather distracting and unprofessional today. Go work on your post-op labs. Or whatever, just leave.'

'Seriously? You were the one who attacked me for no apparent reason and picked a fight with my boyfriend! You're unprofessional.' She ripped off her surgical mask and stormed out.

'Get me Yang, I believe she's watching.'

She found Mark waiting outside the door. 'I'm so sorry Meredith. I didn't mean to get you kicked out.'

'I know you didn't. Just try not to piss him off even more. I'm already going to be doing post-op labs for the rest of my internship. I need to go get Christina. Wait for me?'

'Anything for you, Mer.'

Meredith ran up to the gallery.

'Mer, that was hot!' Christina exclaimed. 'We should sleep with warring attendings more often. I mean, McDreamy, who's still all puppy-eyed over you, insults McSteamy. But McSteamy won't back down. McDreamy bruised McSteamy's penisosity.'

'Penisosity?'

'Yeah…it's like ego…for boys…penis ego….penisosity?'

'Whatever, Shepard wants you in surgery.'

'Mer, I'm loving your life right now. McBattles and free surgeries. I could almost hug you. Almost.'

Meredith went back to Mark, who was still fuming.

'He can't treat you like that. He's such an ass.'

'Mark, I'm okay. It'll be okay. He just needs some time to let things blow over. It's not easy for him.'

'Yeah, well that doesn't give him the right to say that about you.'

'I was excusing him. Are you off soon?' She asked, changing the subject.

'In half an hour. I just have to check on a couple of patients.'

'Want to go get dinner?'

'I would love to,' Mark said, kissing her forehead, 'Dinner with you sounds perfect. I'll meet you in the lobby in a little bit.'

Meredith smiled as she watched him walk away. She went to join Alex in watching her ex-surgery.

'Dude, what was up with Shepard?' Alex immediately asked.

'It's just I'm-dating-Mark crap. Shepard can't grow up.'

'So, is McDreamy losing his touch?'

'For me, at least.'

Meredith met Mark in the lobby. She looked lovely in an emerald green sweater. Mark kissed her lovingly before leading her to his car as if they had done it everyday of their entire lives.

* * *

_I know I say this every time, but sorry for the wait. I hope to be keeping things more active during Christmas break. School is too insane! _

_And, of course, I would be so inclined to keep up my storytelling if I had some feedback from all of my loverly readers!_

_Happy Holidays / New Year! With love, HollyGolightly626_


	16. Stars

_Hello, dear reader. I know it's been awhile but I'm back with the latest update. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Meredith sat, snuggled into Mark, without a shadow of unhappiness. Mark's arms sheltered her from the tempest that is life. It is rare that one is presented with such a blessing as love. Love changes people. Meredith had come out of her Derek devastation at last. She had only been living from sun up to sun down. She had no idea how to deal with that pain. And now, deep inside Mark's arms and Mark's heart, Meredith had plans. She saw her first glimpses of the white dress, the white picket fence. Her commitment problems never afforded her that. But here she was-making plans. Real plans, for her future. Their future. She felt the radiance bestowed to a woman in love with a wonderful man who loved her back. Who loved her enough to change his ways. Not only to give monogamy a shot, but to purge himself of any other way of life. She was it for him. He saw himself picking out the ring and waiting at the end of the flower-adorned aisle. Mark had never made plans to fall in love. Mark hadn't even made plans to call back the day after. He had come out of his manwhore ways at last. He felt safe, there in Meredith's arms, maybe not more physically so (she was so small and he was exceptionally capable of taking care of himself) but emotionally. She couldn't hurt him. She would never hurt him. He had never experienced that level of committed love. And there, in Meredith's arms and his around her, Mark felt blissful.

Meredith's stomach rumbled, interrupting boths' happy reveries.

'I forgot to feed you, didn't I?' Mark chuckled to Meredith. 'Get changed and I'll take you out.'

'Can't we just stay here?' "Forever" Meredith mentally added.

'You don't keep food in your house. And no, we can't order pizza, before you ask. You need real food.' Mark hesitated. 'Do you want me to cook for you?'

A grin graced Meredith's lips. 'You would really cook for me?'

'Of course. I would do anything for you. Cooking is barely anything. Besides I make excellent steak. We can go to the store.'

'I usually don't get homecooked meals. My mom was always busy working when I was younger. And you know how useless I am in the kitchen.'

He kissed her forehead. 'You just need a little teaching.'

Meredith's lips found his and they fell back onto the sofa, welcomely exploring each other.

About fifteen minutes later, as Meredith's shirt had been cast onto the floor, her stomach grumbled again. Meredith pulled away from the kiss, giggling and nibbling her bottom lip.

'Still hungry, I see?'

'Come on,' she said, replacing her shirt, 'We did stuff at prom and I didn't even get a nice dinner. You owe me a steak.' She grinned and grabbed his hand, leading him to the car.

They strolled into the grocery, hand-in-hand. Mark took a cart and continued to the aisles. Meredith stood, watching and laughing. He turned, upon missing her presence and hearing her charming giggle. He smirked, questioningly, at her.

'You just…It's just…You're so domestic,' she laughed.

'Fine' and with a dramatic gesture pushed the cart away from himself, adding, 'The woman may push the cart.' Meredith happily obliged, feeling at least slightly useful.

She followed him through the aisles. Mark flippantly tossed food into the cart.

Other shoppers eyed them enviously. They were both attractive people and their joy gleamed onto their faces, harmonizing earthly and ethereal beauties. Their hands were clasped closely together. They lovingly bickered over the 'right' potato or the 'sweetest' apple. They kissed softly in front of the bakery. They were not in lust but in love and it cascaded from them. Onlookers were furiously jealous, for, who doesn't want to make adorably perfect scenes like that. For, who doesn't want a love like that.

And hand-in-hand, they left the grocery, carrying their dinner.

'The first thing you do, Mere, is wash your hands.' He took her small hands in his and washed them, sensuously with soap. Lavender soap.

Then he unpackaged the filets and began to marinate them. Mark went into the backyard to start the grill, slightly rusty with disuse. He returned with a job for Meredith.

'I want you to make the potatoes.' Upon the look of horror on her face, he eased her fears. 'Don't worry. All you have to do is preheat the oven, wrap them in foil, and put them on a tray, and let them bake.' Meredith grinned. 'And you can toss the salad, my dear.'

'Maybe I will be a good chef after all.'

Mark wrapped his arms around her waist, intimately smelling her hair. 'Under my training, you'll be wonderful.'

'Promise?'

'Promise.'

Mark lifted Meredith onto the counter and began to kiss her passionately once more. Her legs wrapped around his and her hands ran through his hair, as if an impulse.

Mark suddenly pulled away. 'I've got to go put the steaks on the grill. I mean, you do want to eat, right?'

Meredith smirked at Mark, nodding.

He stayed out until the steaks were ready. Meredith had successfully baked a pair of potatoes. Mark poured a bottle of red wine into two crystal wine glasses.

Meredith sat down, Mark joining her, and tasted her steak. 'Oh, Mark, it's delicious!'

'I told you, dear.'

She kissed his cheek. 'Thank you for everything.' His cheeks flushed.

They ate quickly, another hunger on each of their minds.

They washed dishes together, playfully squirting water at each other. Once they finished, Mark asked if she wanted to watch a movie. Meredith shook her head in disagreement.

'Oh? What is it that you want to do then?' He asked, grinning.

Responding, she kissed him. They worked their way up the stairs, alternately pushing and pulling. Finally, they reached her bedroom.

'Are you sure you're ready?'

Meredith pulled him onto the bed, her kisses, now becoming fiercer and hungrier, responded for her.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

* * *

_I hope you liked the update. I already have half of the next one written. If this made you happy, review and make me happy! I would be forever in your debt if you did so._

_I wish much happiness to you!_

_HollyGolightly626_


	17. Look What's Become of Me

_I'm so sorry about the delay. I hope that you'll keep up with the story despite. I hope this will come up more regularly with summer now. I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

'I'm so sorry, Meredith,' came a male voice, tinged with despair, from behind Meredith. She turned to meet his gleaming blue eyes. She stared at Derek, bitterly but quizzically.

'I'm sorry,' he repeated, waiting for a concrete answer. When he received none, he elaborated. 'I've been terrible to you. You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry I did that.'

'I'm sorry you did that too,' she answered quietly, urging him to complete his exposition.

'When I looked into your eyes, your beautiful green eyes, I saw everything. I saw my forever. Then Addison came back. In my eyes, she was a past figure. I was wrong. So mistaken. I could be as emotionally detached as I pleased but that didn't change my legal attachment. I was so past that matrimonial affection, I saw it…I saw her as nothing. But I never thought of you, how you felt. I always figured you knew that I belonged to you and only you. But you aren't that simple. I hurt you more than I ever originally perceived. I did everything you most feared I would do. I was too afraid of losing you to tell you about her. But I lost you anyway, didn't I?'

His eyes were moist in heartache. He nervously ran his hands through his dark hair. Meredith couldn't meet his eyes, fearing what he would say next. Guilt wracked her.

'I don't know how I'll manage without you, Meredith.' Her eyes cautioned him against pushing forwards. 'But I'll have to. I…I want you to be happy, even if you're happy with…him.' Derek couldn't bring himself to utter that name. 'And I want to promise that I'll be better to you. I've been unprofessional and cruel. I'm so sorry. I'm trying to cope with this happening. I'm just sorry.'

'I never meant to do this to you, Derek. You're a good man.' Meredith walked away, searching desperately for Cristina.

'I need my person,' Meredith admitted vulnerably.

Cristina, seeing the genuine pain in her eyes, refrained her sarcasm and blatancy.

'I love Mark.'

Cristina eyed Meredith. 'Mer…we know.'

'I made the right choice, didn't I?'

'What did McDreamy do now? I can perform experimental surgery on his man penis, if necessary.'

'He talked to me a moment ago. He apologized and said things to me. That he doesn't know how to manage without me- that's all crap right? I just need to know that I picked right. Tell me I made the right choice,' Meredith demanded, close to tears.

Cristina placed her arm around Meredith supportively. 'Mer, I can't tell youthat. Derek might just be trying to win. You know he wants to beat McSteamy. But I think he loves you. And Mark does love you. None of that matters right now. Who do you love, Mer?' Meredith stared blankly, deep in thought. Cristina punched her shoulder. 'Do you remember what you just said? Seriously, Mer! Don't let McDreamy and his McBullshit get to you. You love Mark. Now go get steamy in an on-call room or something. And stop being so freaking introspective and questioning. You love Mark so freaking much it's painful for me to even be around you two anymore. You've gone soft. Soon you'll abandon tequila.'

Meredith hugged her person, before prancing out of the room, smiling as she repeated "I love Mark."

Cristina sighed, 'Maybe I've gone soft too.'

Cristina walked into her apartment, finding Burke sitting on the couch, reading.

'Burke, you wouldn't believe the battle McSteamy and McDreamy have going over Meredith. I mean, McSteamy is technically winning but I keep waiting for them to drop their pants and see who's bigger…not that I want to see that, but it's ridiculous. Poor Mer, though. She's getting all confused.'

'Cristina, we need to talk.'

'I mean, to have both of them fawning over her, it's no wonder she's so crazy.'

'Cristina.'

'What?'

'We need to talk.'

'Ok, sure,' she said, climbing into his lap.

'Marry me, Cristina Yang. Marry me.'

And time stood still.


	18. Red and Black

_Two chapters in one day? I must really appreciate your readerness. 3_

* * *

'Marry you? Seriously?' Cristina asked, half-shrieking.

'Yes, Cristina, marry me. We talked about having that white picket fence a while ago. I know I'm ready. I think you are too. I hope you are. You've gotten softer, not in a bad way. But you've let me in. You've let me love you and you let yourself love me. So, marry me.'

'Yes! Of course I'll marry you.' And Cristina, for the first time in a while, giggled. Burke pulled her closer, into a long kiss.

Marriage had never been one of Cristina's aspirations. But the idea of being a Burke-or a Yang-Burke- and being his wife thrilled her. It was a feeling she'd never had before. It was deeper that mental fulfillment. She had spiritual fulfillment now. All was at peace.

Derek was updating his patient's chart at the nurse's station when Mark came up beside him.

'It's a lovely day,' Mark said casually.

'What's so lovely about it?' Derek retorted.

'It's just, you know, being wildly successful and having everything I want. That, my friend, is a lovely day.'

Upon catching Mark's deliberately unkind undertones, Derek struggled to keep his composure. His fists clenched. _Meredith_: Mark had Meredith.

'Don't think you've won this yet, Mark. You can act like you own her. She may be yours but you don't own her. You may say you love her, that you'll care for her forever, but you'll end up hurting her. It's all you know how to do. You're too unstable. You did the same thing to Addison and to all the others even before her. How long will it be before you're suffocated by the confines of monogamy, Mark? How long before you seek the comforts of other women? It's in your nature and it is all you know how to do. Me, I love her. She loved me once but I messed up. I miss her and when you hurt her, I'll be the one picking up the pieces. I'll fix what you broke, not unlike what you're doing right now. Only I won't mind. I'll cherish every moment I have with her. I love her that much and I'll be there when you aren't because it's only a matter of time. You haven't won. This is not over, yet. And I'm not your friend.'

Derek walked away furiously. Mark was left, horrified, to the catty remarks and giggles of the two nurses at the station, who witnessed the whole disagreement. Mark ran into the nearest supply closet, close to tears and revisiting the encounter in his mind. No matter what, he couldn't stop wondering "how long" and if Derek really was right.

That evening, Mark trudged into his apartment. He tossed his bag thoughtlessly on the couch. He found Meredith sitting on his bed, waiting so patiently for him.

She jumped off the bed and threw her little arms around him. 'I missed you today,' she whispered into his ear.

'I missed you too,' he uncomfortably responded. He tried to keep his confidence but he was deeply shaken. It wasn't that Derek scared him; it was that Mark was afraid of himself. He didn't want to hurt Meredith- the sweet, perfect woman who put so much faith and affection in him- and he had no idea how no to hurt her.

'So, I was thinking tonight we could…you know…' Meredith mentioned, suggestively stroking his leg. She began to kiss him. At first, he responded but after a minute or two he stopped kissing back.

'What's wrong?' she asked him, her eyes full of care and worry.

'I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired or something. Let's do this another time.'

Meredith positioned herself on top of him. 'Being tired has never stopped you before.' She resumed kissing him.

'Damn it, Meredith!' He pushed her, not very gently, off of himself. 'I said not tonight.'

Tears welled in Meredith's green eyes. 'I'm sorry.' She began gathering her things and tried to rush out.

'Mer, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you.' She kept running away to leave. 'Stay. You can stay. Please stay, Meredith!'

Breathlessly, she began mumbling, 'No, you said no. I shouldn't have pressed you. You're tired. You need sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow.'

She was out of the apartment before Mark could even say another word to her.

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_ I know it may be painful, but like I could seriously just let the rest of the story be all cute and happy. Things are going to keep happening. Keep up with it. It's going to be pretty awesome._


	19. Do You Hear the People Sing?

_Hello, darling readers! I hope you enjoy the latest installment! _

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'Meredith! Mer, wait. Please! Listen to me!' Mark begged, chasing a furious Meredith through the doors of the hospital. He followed her into the elevator. 'Last night, I'm sorry. I was exhausted and maybe a little drunk. I would never hurt you. I don't refuse sex. I just wasn't myself.' Mark was getting more and more desperate as Meredith ignored him still, one eyebrow arched in silent vexation. 'Meredith,' he touched her arm gently, 'Please.'

His pleas were interrupted as Derek joined them in the elevator.

'Mark.' He acknowledged with a nod. 'Good morning, Meredith.' She smiled at him warmly. 'I think Cristina is looking for you.'

'Thanks, Derek.' The door opened and Meredith exited, still refusing to speak to Mark.

'Meredith!' Mark shouted after her, but without success.

Derek playfully slapped Mark on the back, smiling arrogantly.

'Just don't.' Mark growled, watching as Derek exited, not far behind Meredith.

'Meredith!' Cristina hissed, barely breaking Meredith's daze.

'Oh, hey. Derek said you were looking for me?'

'Yeah…I have some news.'

'Good news?'

'Uhm…well, I'm getting married.' Cristina paused, waiting for Meredith's shock to break. 'But, whatever. It's not a big deal.'

'Seriously? You're getting married and you say it's not a big deal? I'm so happy for you!' Meredith hugged an awkward and unresponsive Cristina.

'Mer, we don't do that, that "I'm happy for you" crap.'

'It's just what you say. I mean, you're happy right?' Cristina nodded. 'Than I'm happy for you.'

'Whatever. It's not a big deal, just a small ceremony sometime.'

'You haven't set a date yet?'

'No, we need to plan it around our work schedules.'

Meredith laughed. 'You're supposed to organize your work around the wedding.'

'I don't do traditional. But you're my maid of honor, by the way. Just throw me a hot, dirty bachelorette party and I don't really care what else you do. Well, besides standing beside me. I want you there.'

'I'll be there.'

'So, why are you looking so tragic?'

'It's Mark. He refused sex. He said he was tired and I tried again. He pushed me off ungently and swore at me. It was bad.'

'You could always make him want it and refuse until he goes insane and cries. Personal favorite.'

Meredith smiled at her friend's lighthearted suggestion, but was still overwhelmed by confusion and distress.

'I'll be here for you, Mer. For whatever you need. And you'll be up there with me at the…altar. I'm still getting used to this.'

'You have gone soft,' Meredith joked.

'Shut up.' Cristina started to walk out, but turned back. 'It'll be alright. We all have our bad moments. Just talk to him.'

'Hey.' Meredith drew herself next to Mark at the nurses' station. 'I think we need to talk about last night.'

'No running away?' Meredith frowned at his attempt at a joke. Mark mumbled an apology before the onslaught of "seriously"s hit. 'Yesterday was just a stressful day for me. I'm not really used to this…you know, attention. I just snapped. I'm sorry, Mer. I didn't mean to. I would never intentionally do that to you.'

'Okay…it's okay. Just don't expect to get any for a while.'

Mark kissed her forehead and Meredith smiled, mildly uncomfortably and walked away.

Meredith found the engaged Cristina reading textbooks over lunch.

'I fought for our relationship,' she announced happily.

'Small steps, Mer. Small steps.'

Meredith lost interest in her studious friend and went to grab a cup of coffee before scrubbing in. She noticed Derek waiting in front of her.

'Small steps,' she thought to herself before engaging her ex in conversation.

'Hey, Derek.' He turned and his eyes brightened as they met hers. 'Have you heard about Cristina and Burke?'

'Yeah. It's really great for them. Are you Cristina's maid of honor?'

'Yes.'

'I'm the best man.' The employee handed Derek his coffee. 'See you at the wedding, Grey.' He walked off leaving Meredith alone with her unsettledness.

After Mark left for the evening, alone, he was finally able to think about Meredith. He was growing to need her, dangerous territory for Mark Sloan. He had never been able to settle down and worried about his ability. And now, with Cristina getting married, would Meredith want to follow in her best friend's footsteps? He wanted to give Meredith everything she wanted, but where does want exceed capability? Derek's words entered Mark's troubled mind. Derek would be more than willing to commit to Meredith. Marriage commitments. It was a worry that Mark couldn't be rid himself of. Meredith did love Derek once. How much did she love Mark now? It was a paranoia that Mark had to keep to himself. Meredith would think less of him for such unwarranted fear. Meredith would never cheat on him. She wasn't that kind of woman. But could he hold out?

_Hope you liked it! I have multiple chapters pre-written. Perhaps I'd be inclined to post them faster with a little encouragement! _


	20. In My Life

_Hey guys! I hope you're still enjoying the story._

…3 months later…

Cristina emerged from the waves of lace and frills comprising potential wedding dress number 46. She caught her reflection in the mirror and was horrified. 'Shit…this is…'

Meredith raised her eyes and saw her friend, suffocating in ribbons. 'Crap.' The dress shopping process had exceeded procedure, now veering towards the ritualistic.

'Come on, Cris. We've been here for 5 hours. That isn't even counting the other 7 places we're been to. You'll only have to wear it for a couple of hours. Just pick something decent and let's go. I've seen at least 3 perfectly acceptable ones in the past multiple hours.'

'No, it has to be perfect. It has to be the right dress. Acceptable isn't good enough. It's my wedding, Mer, not just some date or something. I can't look unfortunate. It just has to work.'

'Your expectations are too high.'

'Don't make me revoke your right to pick your own bride's maid dress. You know how much I'd love to stick you in something like this… Oh God, help me out of this. I think I'm getting nauseous and depressed.'

Meredith unzipped the dress for Cristina, who was now beginning to catch on to Meredith's gloom.

'So, how do you feel about Derek being the best man and being, you know, close to you?'

'It doesn't bother me. We're friends now. I'm okay with it; he's okay with it.' Cristina smirked at her friend's ignorance. 'What?' Meredith asked, seeing Cristina's expression.

'Oh, nothing. Is it Mark then?'

'What does that mean- "is it Mark then"?'

'I don't know…the creator of your problems and the reason you look so miserable?'

'I'm not miserable! I'm fine. It's just…do you ever get the feeling he's hiding something?'

'Now that you mention it, I have seen him lurking around in shady locations, making mysterious phone calls and carrying weapon,' Cristina sardonically mocked. 'Why do you think he's hiding something?'

'It's just sometimes I'll be talking to him and he'll get all closed up. The other day I mentioned your wedding and he got so tense and went home, barely remembering to say goodnight to me. I'd ask him about it but I don't want it to ruin our relationship or whatever.'

'Maybe he just hates weddings. Or maybe he's going to propose and is worried about it.'

'You think he'd propose?'

'I have no idea. I was just compiling impromptu explanations.'

'I don't want to get married, at least not right now. I mean, it's great that you're getting married and all. If Mark was as stable and if we were as strong as you and Burke, maybe I'd consider it more. I'm just not sure it's for me. It's a huge commitment and a huge consideration. Do I really trust Mark enough to marry him? I get weird feelings about him sometimes that I can't really explain but that doesn't mean I don't…'

'Mer!' Cristina barked. 'The rambling. Seriously, it's enough. I was joking.'

'Shut up. You just made me uncomfortable. But I do like the dress.' Cristina had just finished putting on an elegant silk gown. It was strapless and beautifully cut. 'Isn't it perfect?' Meredith commented, forgetting her recent embarrassment and constant troubles.

Cristina tried to mark her growing smile. 'Yeah, it's acceptable. Let's go get drunk in typical day-before-bachelorette-party style.'

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_That was just a little filler. And don't think that the story is getting dull. Things are about to start moving again; things that needed foundation and building. Thanks for reading! As always, please review. _


	21. A Heart Full of Love

_ I didn't think the last chapter was my best work. Here you go, a special bonus chapter._

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It was the night of Cristina and Burkes' rehearsal dinner. Burke had convinced Cristina to have it at an expensive, elitist restaurant for a wonderful mean and dancing afterwards. Cristina had never enjoyed events like this and concentrated on getting a little tipsy despite the jeers coming from "Mama" Burke on the tackiness of drunken bride-to-bes.

Meredith came in on Mark's arms. It had been one of their unpleasant days. Mark had become more and more closed; Meredith was apprehensive, only hoping that after the wedding everything would ensue normally. Instead of going to greet Cristina and Burke with Meredith, Mark opted to go, alone, to the bar. Not in the mood to argue, she let him go and masqueraded complacency.

'Mer, you have to save me. I hate this place and "Mama" won't even let me get drunk.'

'And let you miss all this fun? Don't forget that toast that I meticulously planned for you. You can just leave. It's insulting. I wouldn't be that insulted, but the guests would.'

'Fine, you can be all self-righteous. Where's Mark?' Christina asked with caution.

'At the bar.' Meredith responded, dejectedly ripping off the band-aid.

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, it's all fine. He just hates weddings. If I avoid mentioning weddings or if he weren't here, we'd be fine…perfectly fine. I think he's nervous, like he thinks I expect this now that you have it. But normally everything is so wonderful. I'm just waiting for whatever this is to pass.'

Burke then came to drag the irked Cristina away to speak to the other guests. Meredith was left to mingle with members of the families or old college friends. She was about to go check on Mark when Derek caught her attention.

'So, is your toast going to destroy mine?' he asked chuckling.

'You know I've never had much of a way with words. You're the one with all the charm and dreamyness, remember?' She laughed lightly.

'Well, at the very least you'll look beautiful.' Meredith took Derek's comment with surprise, not unpleasant surprise though. 'That's kind of only half a compliment, but thanks.' Meredith's cheeks were very flushed when she turned and noticed Mark's eyes blazing upon her and Derek. 'I've got to go check on something. I'll talk to you again later, okay?'

'Definitely.'

Mark tried to control his frustrations as Meredith came over to him. His Meredith had been talking with Derek, maybe even flirting with Derek. But Mark couldn't be mad at her; it wasn't her fault. Her date was sitting at the bar, ignoring her, trying to drink his worries away. It was all Mark's fault, something he was growing very keen to. Knowing the only way to save their relationship was by changing and acting more appropriately, Mark couldn't help but worry about Derek, who was all too willing to provide the proper relationship structure, what Mark was insecure about. Mark shook those thoughts out of his head. What truly mattered was that Meredith, his beautiful and amazing Meredith, had just walked away from Derek to talk to him. Mark knew he had to try harder and give their relationship the chance it deserved.

'Hey, how's the bar?' Meredith asked cordially, brushing her hair out of her face.

'It's a great bad and all, but I was just about to go and check on something more wonderful. Look, Mer, I just want to take this chance to apologize to you. I haven't treated you like you deserve. I've been distant and cold. I'm really sorry. You mean so much to me, sometimes I don't know how to handle it. But I want you to be happy more than anything.'

Meredith threw her arms around Mark, smiling. 'I'm just glad you brought it up first.'

'I know, I'm not very good at this yet. I'm trying though. Remember that, I'm trying.' Meredith took Mark's hand and they walked back into the crowd together.

A little while later, all the guests took their seats for dinner. Meredith was at a table with Cristina, Burke, Mark and Derek. The five chatted amiably, avoiding anything too heavy, as the tension between Mark and Derek, though unnoticed by Meredith, had quickly reached palpable heights.

Time dredged on until Meredith stood up to make her speech, preceded by the characteristic ring of the champagne glass. She was fiddling with the hem of her dress and looked to Mark, then Derek. Finding encouraging smiles from both, she felt able to begin.

'When I met Cristina, neither one of us were relationship people. She was the hardcore one who never let anything get in between herself and her goals. That is, until the one day she did. She is always driven about her work but began to realize that there is something more meaningful that profession-love. Even if it meant spending some of her coveted study time with him or not watching a surgery to have lunch with him, Cristina began to reprioritize her life. Though she would self-condemn herself as "going soft," something she quite frequently does, I would have to say that Cristina Yang has become more hardcore than ever. It takes a special person to be a surgeon but someone even more special to be a surgeon and a person. A person who takes to time advance her relationship over her career, at least on occasion. A person who gives unselfishly to others even when physically and emotionally exhausted. A person who loves against all odds and controversies. And for all of us nonrelationship people, Cristina gives us hope and inspiration. To Cristina and Burke.' Meredith ended her oratory and sat down, immediately seeking Cristina's approval. A tear trickled down her person's cheek and Cristina met Meredith with a smile and mouthed "thank you."

As the others listened to Derek's speech, Mark's troubles resurfaced. Meredith had spoken Cristina's engagement as inspiration. He was no longer speculating on her hopes of matrimony, as she had now outright said them to the entire wedding party. It wasn't just him being overly analytical he hoped…he believed. Mark was tight with anxiety as he pondered, painfully, the idea of marriage. Not that being with Meredith daunted him so, but the commitment. He worried about being so tied down, the liberties he enjoyed being taken away. His freedom and promiscuity had been a part of him for so long. He wasn't sure how much longer he could be separate from them. He had always struggled against commitment. When would his past catch up with him? He met Meredith's eyes for the first time since her speech. She smiled at him; he felt her affection and trust. No, he couldn't tell her. She couldn't know about his ordeal. It would break her. So, he decided, this must be only his burden. Mark could only hope that his love for Meredith could eventually mask his affliction.

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_Things are about to get scandalous. Prepare yourselves. Review? _


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